I have been in long term relationships for 27 or so years of my life. For most of those years, I was with two partners, neither of which I am currently with. In thinking about it today, I realize that to reflect on those past relationships fondly, while still being true to my current partner in my mind and heart, is frowned upon in this world.
When I was with both of my former partners, we had beautiful, intimate moments. We had fun, laughs, and good times. We had struggles and tears. We broke up, and we got back together. Yet through it all, I was there because I chose to be there, in it, trying to figure it out along the way.
I have no regrets, for any one of the moments that I spent with my former partners. NO regrets.
For me, the time was well spent. It brought me closer to my true self; it helped me to understand and embrace the process of getting to know another person. It taught me lessons about love, falling in love, working at love, compromise, and to develop understanding of another human being’s experience.
Recently, my daughter has taken a liking to an old song by Oasis. I mean, it was released before she was even born. The song just so happens to be a love song, one of the biggest, for my former partner and myself. Her other parent. So, my thoughts this morning were: does that ever STOP being our love song? If it still is, does that mean I am not respecting my current partner, by honoring and acknowledging that?
I don’t believe that to be true. I believe that the song will always be one which I remember with fondness and love; I remember our moments together as time that I was present and available; that I wanted to be in that time of my life with her. I don’t need to wipe that away now that I am with someone else.
Even though I have chosen to be in a new relationship, one that fulfills me more than ever before in my life, I have a choice, in that, I don’t have to disregard where I have been or who that time has been spent with.
I have great honor and respect for my former partner. Not to say that our interactions aren’t difficult at times. We are only human, after all. I am not perfect, and I fail miserably at times, at being understanding and compassionate. However, today I am present to her feelings. I am present to the meaning with which we were in each other’s lives at one time.
I am fully honoring and respecting that she will always hold a place in my life that is meaningful and loving.
So, a love song is always a love song. Yet, we always have room, and the choice, to move forward with an open heart.