I am learning little by little how to build my faith. It has been a long road for me, going from not believing that I am watched over, to knowing that I am cared for by a source, a power greater than I can begin to fully understand. One of the biggest steps for me in building that faith has been to let go of control.
I have been a very controlling person in my life. What I mean by that is two things: first, I have wanted to be in charge of, and the expert of, every area of my life. I have wanted to control others as well, seeing myself as having the best answers, for them and myself. Secondly, I have always wanted to believe that I control every single outcome, and that life is always in my hands.
I am learning that the Universe has its own flow; that I am part of the Universe, and I am part of all of the other beings in the Universe as well. By flowing along with the Universe, I am strengthening my understanding, and my belief that all will be well. The grand plan is made, and I need only trust, and have FAITH that all will be well.
By history, I like to do what the medicine cards call “push the river”; try to influence and control that which is following its own path. What I continue to gain insight into, is that I don’t need to push anything in my life; even though I can make choices and do what feels right for me, the Universe has a flow all of its own, and that which is to be will unfold beautifully and magically, without me having to do a thing.
My tendencies to control are definitely about my ego; what does it mean about me if I am not the one in charge? My ego tells me that I need to bring my level of expertise to the world, or all is lost. However, when I listen to my ego, I am actually less open to the world, and less willing to have faith in powers bigger than myself.
My other discovery is that although I have been building and deepening trust, in myself and others, my faith did not follow suit automatically. I realize that trust, in myself and in others around me, gets built based on evidence that I gather. FAITH, on the other hand, is believing and trusting even without evidence, just a deep sense of knowing that all will be well, and that I am cared for lovingly and deeply.
Today, I am strengthening my faith, letting go of control as I once held it, and remembering that it is good, and peaceful, to let my life unfold. And, to go with the Flow.