I spent the entire day and night on Saturday with my daughter. We spent our time traveling to, and then seeing, Taylor Swift and friends in concert. Although we expected it to be fun and an adventure, it ended up being so much better than I would have ever imagined.
We had great food, heard excellent music, and had a view that was like a dream come true. Yet, throughout the whole time, I kept finding ways in which to judge myself, and others, and it was really distracting. Although my awareness of it helped me to turn it around quickly, it was really annoying.
I judged myself about the food I chose at dinner; for buying concert merchandise; for screaming like an adolescent girl when we won pit tickets; for staying out in the rain to not lose our good view; for spending four dollars on a bottle of water. You name it, I found reasons to judge myself. And, as an added bonus, I felt compelled to then judge all of those around me. Whether it was for them standing too close to me, pushing at my daughter, being drunk, or not being a courteous driver. Judging myself harshly gave me carte blanche to judge others where I saw fit.
Letting go of judgment for me is like letting go of a favorite tee shirt or sweater. Even though I may not have worn it very often through the last couple of seasons, it is like I keep it around for sentimental reasons. It might not fit anymore, or even look good on me, yet it feels like letting go of it would leave me lacking something.
SO, if I stop judging myself, or at least do it less frequently, I often wonder if that makes me a person who is more self consumed, that anything goes? I doubt it. All judgment really does is view myself harshly, and not in a way that is useful for me to assess my actions. I know immediately when I have made a decision that doesn’t sit well with the way that I want to live my life. However, holding myself in judgment for it doesn’t solve anything. And, when I decide to do something, it is also based on the way that I want to live my life, at least much of the time. What could be open for judgment in that?
When I live my life judgment free, I can be in the moments of it, thoroughly enjoying and relishing it. I can actually be close enough to Taylor Swift to touch her, and be in that fully. I can love myself, be kind to others, and really be IN my life.
Yeah, that feels like the right place to be.