At different times in my life, since I came out as a lesbian, I have believed that it was only safe to be myself in certain life situations, and only around certain groups of people. More than a fear of being physically harmed in some way, was always the fear of not being accepted for that part of my identity. I would call my partner at the time my “friend” or “roommate”, in order to not have to stand in the truth of my full self.
Even though today I don’t feel as strongly that fear of nonacceptance, however, it is still on my mind. I have always wanted to fit in, to be part of the group at large, and to not feel judged. However, I also see the bigger picture at this time in my life, that the world will only offer to me what it is that I offer the world. And myself.
One of the biggest lessons that I learned while I was in private coaching, and also training to be a life coach myself, is that all of us have dreams, and all of us have the capability to have those dreams. We just have to go persistently toward them, one step at a time. So, if I want to write more often, it doesn’t mean that I have to write my book in a week for it to count as a success. It means, that each action that I take either takes me toward, or away from my dreams, whatever they may be.
Last night, we were out at a public event, where my fiancé was singing. Some of our friends and family were there, and other patrons of the restaurant in which she was singing and playing. So many people expressed such kindness and support to us about our engagement. And, at first, I attributed it to being in an environment that I assumed would be, overall, supportive. And, it was.
However, what brought us the support and love from those around us last night was not because they were a like minded crowd in the same space. It was because we threw the light of our love off our bodies, into the darkness of that restaurant, and no one could miss it. As Brenda sang and I sat listening, we were shining our light for one another into that room. Everyone could sense it.
So, it really is about what we give to the world, we receive in return. Whatever light we shine out into the darkness, the darkness that we all stand in together, that is what will shine back at us from our world. So, I will keep brightening my light, shining up my self, loving what I see more and more each day.
I want to bask in the afterglow of the love that we project.