I really believe in messages from the Universe. So, when I feel connected to living creatures around me as I take a walk around the lake, that is a message to me, of what I am here to do. When I am delayed in getting somewhere, I believe that is a message of why I was not supposed to be there earlier. When I don’t get what I think that I want, I believe that even when I don’t admit it, there is a message and bigger purpose in that for me.
However, I do get the message wrong at times, about what the Universe has in store for me or what it is that I am called to do. One of my most recent messages has to do with my interactions with a previous partner of mine. I have been working on building a relationship with her, one that I believe can take us into the future in a new and more balanced way. To me, the message that I was receiving, the one that seemed to be my bigger purpose in building that, was to be nonjudgmental, and patient with her as she figures out whether she wants to connect with me or not. In other words, I thought the message was for me to be a doormat, and to stay swirling in guilt about having left the relationship. For me to keep making amends.
The true message does include being nonjudgmental. However, when I really tuned in to what the true message is, it is more about how I view myself than how I view her. The true message is that I get to take responsibility for my own actions, and THAT’S IT. I don’t have to own her stuff; I don’t have to judge it or put a value on it either. In addition to that, I get to remember and acknowledge my own innocence, meaning, my own, pure perfect self. After all, we are all unique representations of perfection, flaws and all.
I am not here to defend my position or to guard myself from someone else and where they are at. My work here is to be truthful; to be myself and to love myself; and to let go of that which is not mine. When I am willing to examine my life from a broader perspective, I see that it really has little to do with the other person.
We are always receiving messages from the Universe, our Higher Power, God, whatever you may call it. The key is to be clear on what that message really is.
Pink Haze and the Star Cluster 
Wow, your posts have been resonating so strongly with me lately!
I remember working, years ago, on my 9th step and apologizing to my husband for something I’d done (something he thought was a violation, but I did not), and vowing to never do it again. But the topic kept rearing it’s ugly head in our conversation, and I kept apologizing. Finally I talked with my sponsor about it, wondering what I could (and I thought needed) to do to convince my husband I would never make that mistake again.
Her answer stunned me: “You only made the mistake once, and that was years ago. And you apologized for it, but he keeps bringing it back up. Amends doesn’t mean you have to keep apologizing and groveling. You only apologize for it once, and then you have to let go of the other person’s reaction.”
Discernment can be very difficult, can’t it? Especially when it comes to relationships. Which is why I need the help of others so often.
Thanks for this post.
Kelly: I am so glad that my words and reflections speak to you so deeply. I find that the more time goes by, the more that I nuance what it is I am learning. I thought of your story tonight as I issued an apology to someone in my life that I tend to overapologize to; and tonight it was once and done. Thanks for reading and being inspired! Vanessa