Allowance is such an interesting word. In most instances in my present day life, I affiliate the word allowance with the money that I give to my daughter each week. The financial support allows her to have more freedom with how she lives her life, in terms of what she needs funds for. But in the last week, I have been thinking about the word from a different perspective.
According to the online dictionary of Merriam-Webster, the term allowance means “a share or portion allotted or granted”. In terms of my daughter’s weekly allowance, that is what I allot to her in order for her to fund her activities and fun. For my life, it doesn’t mean anything that drastically different from that.
Allowance in my life to me, means what am I opening myself up to in this world. What am I willing to allow myself to have and to experience? I have no problem with the realization, on most days anyway, that I am able to have any dream or experience that I desire. That I have the personal power to make anything happen. So, if I have the capability to achieve anything, what is it on most days that stands in my way of having it?
That would be allowance.
So, the questions that I would ask myself would be, am I willing to allow myself to have goodness and light in this day of mine? Am I willing to grant myself my fair share of goodness, happiness, joy? Am I willing to see my own deservedness for such joy, by recognizing my uniqueness and beauty, with eyes of love?
When I don’t allow myself to be joyful, to see my own goodness and light, and beauty, then I am so easily able to judge others, and blame them for me not having what it is that I desire. I make up a story in my head that people or circumstances, or the world at large, is denying me my share of happiness in some way. I can easily find “proof” that the world is doing me wrong if I don’t see my own worthiness in receiving the joy. It makes it really easy, and convenient, to blame others this way. When I blame others, or the world, for me not having what it is that I desire, I get to shake off my own responsibility to go get what it is that I seek.
Allowance is deeper than simply asking for, and taking, what it is that I want in the world. It’s not demanding, it’s not entitlement, it isn’t that I am deserving of it. Allowance to me, is opening up to the receiving of what it is that I desire. In addition, it is an opening up to ourselves of our own innocent nature. It is the acknowledgment that it is good, and true, and right for us to have what it is that we want in this world.
Allowance, in its purest form, is my deep sense of self saying:
I am innocent.
There is nothing to forgive.
I have done nothing wrong.
I am a perfect being.