Today, one of the people in my life let me know something that they wanted, something reasonable and honest. The request was made in a thoughtful way. Yet, between the time of the request and the end of my day, I decided that I needed to take it personally; that because this person made a request of me, that it made me not good enough.
Let me be clear: It was not about the messenger, or the message itself from that person. To myself, I am not good enough, if someone around me expresses a desire that they have. A request that they have of me. It means, to the deepest part of my self, that I am falling short and not doing everything that I should be doing to please another. I am not enough.
Of course, this is a complete and total lie. Evil, at that. It is the darkest part of me, the origins of which I have no idea. I was never given the message growing up from my parents that I was not enough; as a matter of fact, they made it clear to me that I could be or do anything in this life that I set my mind to. And, they also let me know that I should always expect the best from myself, because I was capable and I should want the best.
And, somewhere in between their words of encouragement and my own successes, I had this darkness that grew inside of me. The thing about the world that we live in, is that we can always find plenty of evidence to prove the lies that we believe about ourselves, or a new, more self loving theory to prove. So, I was always able to find evidence to prove to myself why I was not enough in one scenario or another. As a parent, family member, partner, or coworker.
For the last few years, when I have heard this dark, evil voice, this pack of lies, I have gotten stronger at battling the lies and replacing it with a new agreement; a truth that I want to live with, that is self loving. That I AM enough. That I am of full worth and perfection, precisely as I am and where I am in this world. Yet, the lie can still creep in, sometimes when I least expect it, and it can be so easy to believe it once again.
I know I am stronger than the lie. I know that the truth that I would rather believe is the real one. The one that will celebrate me for who I am today. The one that reminds me of my unique nature and the beauty that I show to the world. This morning, I believed I was not enough.
Tonight, I KNOW that I am Enough.