In the last week, I have been reading some of the Four Agreements, and am now in the second agreement, of not taking things personally. I have read this before, twice, and believe that I will reread it many more times in my life. And, it seemed like as I was reading it, my desire to take things personally from the world around me increase substantially.
Whenever I decide that the interactions from others around me must be personally directed toward me, it almost always has to do with those people that are closest to me. So, my brother not texting me back after two days must mean something. My cousin that STILL won’t accept my friend request on Facebook must be personal. My partner being quiet most certainly has to do with me. It never ends.
Yesterday morning, on my way to work, I was in the thick of it. I was checking Facebook, to see if people were “liking” my comments. I was swirling in the belief that much of the people in my world had some issue with me, and although they weren’t telling me so, I could “sense” it. I “knew” that it had everything to do with me.
The real truth is, nothing about what is going on with anyone else has to do with me. I will say it again: None of this is about Me.
At times when I am remembering to myself not to take things personally, that this is not about me, it feels as self centered as when I am thinking EVERYTHING is about me. Either way, I consider myself to be the center of some Universe. The truth is, when I am thinking that everything around me, has something to do with me, it means that I see myself as indispensable to the world, like no one can do without me. Truth be told, that is not the case. I am surrounded by a lot of capable, strong human beings. It feels much more genuine to be wanted by someone, rather than to be needed.
When I stop taking things personally, I leave room for humor and joy. Yesterday, after I caught myself, thankfully, in the midst of this self absorbed swirl, I laughed out loud in my car. Laughed at how easy it is for me to believe that the world is always reacting to me. Acting on me. SO funny. The joy comes in the realization that I am just here, in this moment, truly appreciating who is in it and what I am experiencing. I miss all of that when I am judging others and feeling judged.
I used to think that I could learn lessons in my life, and be done with it. I now understand that in my humanity, I will always be learning and relearning the lessons of my life. When I do, it is a gentle reminder of what I already know, and to keep coming back to that which works the best, and brings me peace and joy.