Joining.

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Lately, I have been pretty focused on joining more with my family. Since I came back from the family wedding I was at three weeks ago, almost a month ago now, I have been feeling more compelled to be with, and spend big amounts of time with, my family and loved ones. I have made another trip to New England to be with my aunt, and started writing letters to those that I don’t get to see that often.

I started reminiscing about the weeks in the past that several of us would spend at the beach. We would travel by caravan to Oak Island, North Carolina, and for ten early summers, as many of us that could make it would come together there, and spend a week of drinking, eating, sunning, and spending time together. Sometimes there would be kids there; some years, only a handful of people total. Yet, it felt like a connection that we looked forward to all year long, and an ability to have a bigger dose of family time than just a couple of days here and there.

I decided that it could be fun, and inspiring, to try to get that organized again. To come together, all of us that had gone in the past, and anyone else that may be able to go now, and spend some time together. So I started thinking of ways to organize that, and get people interested. I felt like I was putting all of my hopes into that, to rekindle something that happened once and is now a beautiful memory.

There are obstacles. There is distance, money, time, and factors such as space, and who is compatible with whom in a house for a week’s time. There is the fact that some people may not be interested in going there again, and others, would be willing to go somewhere else, just not there. Yesterday, after being awakened to the fact that I assumed this could happen easily, without considering all the reasons that it might not be possible. Or, that it might be possible for less time, or fewer people.

I realized, after many tears and words, that it all comes down to fear. Yes, I want to spend time with my family, as much as possible. But part of my recollecting times of past is because I am afraid of getting older, of my family members aging, of people dying. Of never being together again as a family.

Yet, when I think about it, when I stay in the present moment, and really enjoy and embrace gratitude for what I have right now with each of my loved ones, I am rich beyond compare. I have all that I could want, even more than twenty of us in a house for a week. I feel completely blessed, and joined in a way that nothing that come between.

Joining with others is today for me, the knowing that I have what I need and want right in this moment, and that I can make this moment into anything that I want it to be. With any and all of those that I love.

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