I continue to read, and to reread, The Four Agreements, and keep finding treasure in it. I find that the more that I read it, the more that I understand what I really believe about myself as a human being, and my ability to live a fulfilled life.
This week, I went to a routine doctor appointment, my yearly checkup. Before I got there, I knew that part of the process would mean getting on the scale. And, although I have been making great strides in how I view myself, my body, and my weight, I still hit a bump now and again. And, I was nervous to step on it, yet thought that I knew what it would read.
I was wrong. Although I felt confident in how my body felt to me, and what I thought I weighed, I did not expect to see 141.8 pounds on the scale. I felt disappointed in myself, and discouraged beyond belief. I had started two weeks before to be more consistent about exercise, doing my indoor walking routines several days a week, working up a sweat, and getting motivated with my coworkers. I had even been coming to an acceptance of what I see in the mirror, in a really deep way. Yet, the numbers on that scale seemed to put all of that into doubt, in a flash.
So, since that day, I have thought of various ways that I want to address it. Mind you, I don’t HAVE to do anything; but there is a part of me that wants to do SOMETHING. The fear for me that always comes back around in terms of my body image and weight, is that I will keep gaining and gaining, if I don’t monitor and pay attention. Even when I eat healthy and work out, I still managed to gain more weight than I am comfortable with.
So What? a part of me screams. SO WHAT? While another part of me is scared to keep gaining until who knows what happens! My mind can really go to town with this. What I understand today more than I have before in the past, is that I want to love what I see in the mirror, AND be fully tuned in to what I need to do to stay in a weight range and size that feels healthy and fit to me. I CAN do BOTH at the same time.
Where does the Four Agreements fit in? The fourth agreement is to always do your best. In any given moment, if I am doing the best that I can do, there will never be a need for regret, for resentment, or to criticize myself for my efforts. If I am always doing my best, it doesn’t matter if I gained 22 pounds in a year; it just matters that at any given time, I am present to my life and giving it all my best effort.
With this agreement, if I truly believe it, there is no room for telling myself that I messed up, that I am a failure and a loser. All it means is that my best effort will not always look the same, but as long as I am doing that which I am called to do, in the best and most present way possible, there is nothing wrong. All is well. Life is a gift.
Today, I feel strong and capable to be in a body that I cherish and am happy to have. I know that I have it within me to nourish and care for it in the most loving way possible. I know that I can and want to, stay connected to this life as fully as I am able.
I know, that I will always do my best, and that will be enough.