For the last few days, I am have been thinking a lot about the process of dying, and death. It has been on my mind in relation to physical health and illness; the aging process; and leaving this world while others live on.
I feel great, and continue to be fully attached to living, so I am hoping that I won’t be leaving this world anytime soon. However, I am becoming more and more invested, and present to the idea, that I am a fragile being, even with being healthy and vital. I am literally a breath, or heartbeat, away from moving to the other side, to death, to transitioning to the next chapter.
We don’t talk about that much in this world. When the subject of death comes up, a reality that will visit us all one day, people get uncomfortable. It feels icky to talk about not being in the world anymore, at least not as a living, breathing human being. As if the very discussion of it will bring something to pass.
The truth is, I have always been scared of death. Scared to talk about it, in relation to myself, or those whom I know and love. Scared to think about not being here as a living being anymore. To be without those whom I love. Scared to think about the actual process of dying, of taking my last breath. Of being in pain or discomfort.
Today, I am more at ease in thinking about death. That has come about for a variety of reasons. First of all, I am aging, as is all of us, but I am acutely aware of my own aging process, and that my loved ones are also aging. Although we could die at any moment, as I get into my older years, I am more aware of it seeming to be closer. I am not sure if I believe in heaven specifically, but another aspect that has put me more at ease, is knowing that death is another chapter in my life; it is like walking into another room of the journey that we are making in this world. Yet another aspect to be experienced.
But the biggest ways in which I have let go of my fear, the last parts of the fear that I have held onto, are related to those that live on, and being in the present moment. I have always been so filled with fear, and upset, to know that after I die, those that love me, that are still living, will suffer miserably with my absence. I have come to a deeper peace, in the knowing that although those that love me will grieve my death, life DOES go on. As it should.
The other part of death that I have made my peace with, is that whether I am 15 or 51, death can come to me at any moment. When I remember that, I am more able to live in the present moment, being in it and cherishing what comes from it. Really, all we have is in this moment, RIGHT NOW. The past or future doesn’t exist, and who knows how long we will really be here. Right now, is perfect and magical.
It reminds me that living fully is not something to make time for someday, but to start in this moment.