Commitment, not Perfection.

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Over the last month or so, I have been more deeply and purposefully been focusing on my overall health and well being. I have used a variety of methods in which to do this, including reading books on holistic health; walking daily; and tuning into my signals of hunger and food cravings. In addition, I have been considering and making decisions about western vs. holistic medicine, veganism or not, and tracking my food and weighing myself vs. tuning in more.

The results are astounding. The results that I have experienced are weight loss, without really focusing on just that; good sleep; an overall feeling of health and wellness; and a deep sense of knowing what I can do to create and maintain overall health. Instead of believing that I need to use methods that are outside of myself to create an inner sense of balance and harmony, I am trusting myself more and more to take care of my needs.

In addition, I leave room for seeking outside assistance for those areas that I am unsure of, whether that is supplementing my food intake with vitamins, and if I were to have a health crisis or injury of some sort. I am committed to living healthy, tuned in to my body, mind and heart, and seeking help when it is called for. I feel a sense of freedom in making these decisions, as well as clarity and focus.

However, I am not perfect. There have been countless numbers of times in my life, when I have began on a journey of self exploration, or a new task or interest, and I focus on it like a laser beam. That in and of itself isn’t a bad thing; the down side is when I expect myself to be perfect in the maintaining of it all. Even though I know, in theory, that I am not perfect, I still strive to be perfect at times.

What occurs to me as I go forward in my new perspective of how I want to live my life, is that I can, and do, have a commitment to being a healthy person, a good mother, and an available partner. However, that commitment isn’t any less so, when I fall short of my own expectations. I want to succeed, sure, but what is the purpose behind my commitment?

When I ask myself that, I come back to basics. I don’t want to be a good mom, so that I can say that I was perfect in my mothering in all ways. I want to be a good mom to my daughter in order to give her a base from which to grow from, and to let her know she is free, and cared for, all at the same time. I want to take good care of my physical, emotional, and spiritual health, not to be perfect at it, but rather to live the most fulfilling, present life that I can live. I don’t want to be a great spouse to always get it right, but rather, because I want to openly offer love to my partner in all ways, and receive that in return.

I will get discouraged; I will find times in my life when I know I am doing my best, yet focus on where I have fallen short. Yet, I know in this moment, that all I can ever expect from myself, is to know the purpose of why I am doing what I do, and to do my best at it.

This is what it means to be human.

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