I am so grateful today for the lessons that are always waiting for me. Today, again, there was a lesson that has been coming my way for my entire adult life. Again, today, I was reminded of the need to love myself more.
My partner and I have a beautiful, loving, intimate relationship. We are connected in the deepest ways possible, and I am so grateful for her in my life. Although we both love our intimate moments together, our frequency and rate of intensity at times varies one from another. So, this morning, we had a conversation about it again today, which we have had many times over our two years together. It brings to the surface all of the views that we each have about sex, about intimacy, about time spent with one another. For me, it brings up feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, fear.
So, this morning, as I felt emotional and needy and like we were having trouble figuring it all out, I was tempted to, and did, have her be the target. Even though I was afraid to have her be disappointed in our life together, that was only part of the truth. The full truth of the matter, the real fear of mine, is that I think that I am not enough. I am a disappointment. It is so tempting to put it upon her, but the truth is it all has to do with how little I love myself much of the time.
The real lesson for me, and the one that I will be learning many more times in my life, is that I need to keep loving and accepting myself AS I AM. No matter how tempted I am to not honor or love myself, I need to be diligent about ways to keep loving myself more, accepting myself wherever I am at. At my best. At my less than best. At times that I feel open and times that I feel more scared and closed off. I need to accept myself wherever I am at, at any time, and love myself unconditionally, at all times.
I am learning. I am growing. I am exploring, expanding, and taking more risks. I am going to keep walking toward loving myself as I am, and embrace those parts of myself that I am still wondering about. I will continue to learn how to love, just a bit more, every day.