Monthly Archives: July 2015

Love is Not a Portal.

ID-10069627

In my reading and studying of The Power of Awareness by Eckhart Tolle, I am learning about ways to become more present in my life, and that the diligence to presence allows me to experience the Universality of this world; another realm of consciousness. What I mean by that, is that when I consciously stay in the here and now as often as possible, I am not focused on the future, or the past, and can more fully experience my connection to the world around me. I am also more aware of how I am a part of all that there is. This is the closest so far in my life that I have come to a spiritual awakening and seeing the light of something bigger than just myself.

In this book, Eckhart talks about some of the main ways, or portals, that he believes there are in order to access this alternate state of awareness, this connection to all. First, by being in the present moment; also, by connecting with our body internally, meaning, feeling the workings of it on a very direct level, feeling the energy within; breathing consciously, at the same time as slowing down the constant thoughts that run through our minds; and if there is nothing we can do, then surrendering to what is. Each one is effective in its own way, and each portal is one which I have utilized in order to feel more peaceful and still within. In these moments, peace feels the pinnacle of my life experience.

What is interesting, however, is that most of my life, I have believed that Love was the experience that would most lead me to spiritual awakening and peace. By loving others, and loving myself, and doing so in a nonjudgmental, open way, I would allow myself to experience my connection to everything else. That actively loving others, as a verb, would bring this about. And, I am beginning to understand now how this is not the case.

Indeed, I do love, feel love and express love to myself and to others in my world, as well as to creatures and nature that I am present to in my daily life. But I don’t believe anymore that the love comes first. You see, when I am not in the present moment, in other words, when I am focused on a past transgression or future event, I am more prone to judge others when I am around them. I am viewing them through my own filters and biases, my own expectations and desire instead of just accepting the moment, and therefore the person, as it is. So, in that sense, love does not come first; however, when I open the portal to higher consciousness, by being present, or surrendering to what is, I am allowing the light of love to shine on through me.

This may seem a lofty goal, and one that we could easily talk ourselves out of as being too tedious, or not being worthy or necessary in how we spend our time. However, for me to have a more full experience of my life, I want to be present; I want to savor the here and now and be with those in my world. I want to see life with fresh eyes and keep my heart as open as possible.

And, when the portal is open to a higher realm, the Light of Love awaits us all.

sunny cloud sky

Advertisements

Yesterday, Tomorrow, and the Here and Now.

243898_10151395533143136_748651713_o

lesbian_wedding

I am getting married in eight days. It is a day that I have been waiting for, in one way, my whole life. Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a beautiful, big, amazing wedding. In my adult years, I often thought about it as well, but wasn’t sure if actually getting married was going to be a right afforded to me. I also wasn’t sure if I would meet the partner that would be the one I would marry. Then, all of that changed when I met Brenda, and she asked me to marry her. And now, here I am.

As excited as I am, I keep projecting to the future, to what will be next week. Who is coming. What I will look like in my dress, what Brenda will look like. If the weather will be good. If we will have enough food, drink for everyone. I am constantly living in the future, waiting for tomorrow.

In the last few months, I have been reading a lot, and listening a lot, to Eckhart Tolle, who is all about the present moment. What that has helped me with in the last months is being more present, not living my life away waiting for a future moment. Or, not living in the past either. Of the two, my choice in my life has always been projecting toward the future. Planning for this or that, getting excited about something coming up, or more often than that, having excessive worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.

To be present, we need to be willing to be in the here and now, and release any concern with what might have been in the past. We also need to not project into the future. Our ego, our self that we think that we are, forms its identity by who we are and what we have done, or what it is we think we will do in the future. And, it stays strong by creating resentment, regret or guilt about the past, and dread or anticipation or expectation of the future. The ego makes us believe that our true selves live in those realms, and are made up of what we do, an identity that is based on things or events.

Living in the present moment has been much more fulfilling to me. Even though I have great things that are coming in my life, and even though I have never been a person to live with a lot of regret, living in the right now reminds me that right now is really all I’ve got. That this moment is really the only one that exists, even though the past and future seem so real. So, even though marrying my sweetheart is a dream come true, I miss a lot of my life if I only live for that, and not all of the meantimes.

I am such a blessed, contented person. I feel so fulfilled and complete. And, to remain present to all that I have right here and right now, I am in bliss.

11393333_10153931728253136_2501382908120928316_o