Yesterday, Tomorrow, and the Here and Now.

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lesbian_wedding

I am getting married in eight days. It is a day that I have been waiting for, in one way, my whole life. Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a beautiful, big, amazing wedding. In my adult years, I often thought about it as well, but wasn’t sure if actually getting married was going to be a right afforded to me. I also wasn’t sure if I would meet the partner that would be the one I would marry. Then, all of that changed when I met Brenda, and she asked me to marry her. And now, here I am.

As excited as I am, I keep projecting to the future, to what will be next week. Who is coming. What I will look like in my dress, what Brenda will look like. If the weather will be good. If we will have enough food, drink for everyone. I am constantly living in the future, waiting for tomorrow.

In the last few months, I have been reading a lot, and listening a lot, to Eckhart Tolle, who is all about the present moment. What that has helped me with in the last months is being more present, not living my life away waiting for a future moment. Or, not living in the past either. Of the two, my choice in my life has always been projecting toward the future. Planning for this or that, getting excited about something coming up, or more often than that, having excessive worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.

To be present, we need to be willing to be in the here and now, and release any concern with what might have been in the past. We also need to not project into the future. Our ego, our self that we think that we are, forms its identity by who we are and what we have done, or what it is we think we will do in the future. And, it stays strong by creating resentment, regret or guilt about the past, and dread or anticipation or expectation of the future. The ego makes us believe that our true selves live in those realms, and are made up of what we do, an identity that is based on things or events.

Living in the present moment has been much more fulfilling to me. Even though I have great things that are coming in my life, and even though I have never been a person to live with a lot of regret, living in the right now reminds me that right now is really all I’ve got. That this moment is really the only one that exists, even though the past and future seem so real. So, even though marrying my sweetheart is a dream come true, I miss a lot of my life if I only live for that, and not all of the meantimes.

I am such a blessed, contented person. I feel so fulfilled and complete. And, to remain present to all that I have right here and right now, I am in bliss.

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