Joining and Finding Sameness.


We are spending our honeymoon on Tybee Island, in coastal Georgia. The scenery is breathtaking, the air is hot, and there is a slow pace to the world here. We are thoroughly enjoying it. Yet, before we came, and while we have been here, we have both had moments when we felt concerned about being so far south, in a time when there still remains negativity in the world about two women marrying one another. Without making too many assumptions, we believed that we might encounter less acceptance here. So, we have been more timid about declaring ourselves to the world. What I mean by that is, I want to shout “We just got married! We are on our honeymoon!” from every rooftop; I want to tell our wait staff in restaurants, and people that sit near us by the pool, because I feel so happy. Yet, I don’t. I assume that we are among people that would not be accepting of us.

I thought about this more deeply yesterday, and realized that even though I believe that to be true, I don’t know for sure that we would be met with nonacceptance here. I know that my assumptions come directly from my fears about the unknown, and my perceptions of what I believe to be true, without really giving others a chance. It is yet another way for me to see the difference I have from others rather than our sameness.

In order for me to be peaceful, truly peaceful, is to remember and see the sameness with each person that I encounter. That is not always easy. The sneaky part of myself wants to see the difference I have from others, so that I can feel better than and have permission to judge them. When I sit at the pool, I can observe others with their children and feel better than because they spank their kids, and I never spanked my own. Yet, when I do that, I separate from others, I don’t join with them. I see such difference in us that I feel like I have to put one of us above the other.

My only path to peace is to see our sameness. It is there, really. We don’t have to look hard for it, because if we are looking at the outside form of someone- their bodies, actions, social status- that is an illusion of what difference there is between us. The real joining comes when we remember that we all come from the same source of light, that we are ALL that light. And that is what makes us universal.

The peace is in the joining. And I feel grateful that I get to keep remembering that, moment by moment every day.


2 thoughts on “Joining and Finding Sameness.

  1. i was on a first date years ago, when the conversation turned to biracial relationships (his turn)… He was decidedly negative about it and I became increasingly fearful as I am biracial. I asked him if it would be different if he met the person, liked them, found out later. He said he supposed it would be okay if she looked like Diana Ross. I do not. I remember thinking, “please God, don’t let him figure it out now.” I had the thought that I might not be safe if he did. I am sorry you felt that same kind of fear or uncomfortableness with your genuine and authentic self/life. I am sure that you, like I, have experienced many more incidents like this. Your personal experience and bravery is a good start for letting others in and see what it’s like. If we can’t relate to the same circumstance we can certainly empathize with the feeling of isolation somewhere in our life and that brings us all a little closer together. Thanks for this post.

    1. THank you so much for reading, and sharing your story. I have felt the fear at various times in my life and development, and currently realize and understand that unless I am fully myself in the world, I will never be truly free.

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