I have gone through many different stages and areas of development when it comes to being a parent. I have learned how to hold on more tightly, to protect my child. I have learned to let go, to allow for freedom and expression. I have learned how to balance the two of those things, in a way that expresses concern and care at the same time as a willingness to set my bird free. However, the learning that has been deepest for me over the years has been that of being a Mom.
I am a deeply caring, sensitive and loving person. I have no hesitation in acknowledging that within myself. Yet, at times when I have been a parent, I have felt less like I could trust that part of me, and more like I had to act in a certain way toward my child and parenting. I mean, if I were to love too much, and not guide enough, my child would turn out uncertain, insecure, unsuccessful, right? At least, that is what I have thought much of the time. If I don’t parent my kid in the ways in which the world dictates much of the time, and follow the books and suggestions of many wise people, I am doing parenting a disservice.
I am being completely vulnerable and open by saying, I don’t agree with that anymore. That doesn’t work for me as a person, as a human, as an individual.
What I see today, for myself, and maybe for others that may be hesitant to say so, is that being a Mom comes first and foremost. What I mean by that is if I do not trust my instinct of how to love and honor my child for the beautiful, brilliant, amazing human being that they are, I am doing that child a bigger disservice. I have no idea what I am doing any of the time. In any given moment, I am just guessing at what the best answer and response is, and seeing what happens. And, this beautiful being does not belong to me; he gratefully chose me to be his parent by spiritual design, and I feel humbled to know this precious creature in this world. And, the rest is up to him.
All I can do is love, honor, respect and believe that he will rock it out.
The only thing that I will ever be able to rely on is my love for my child. That is deep, binding, and eternal, and it is the only thing that is certain. Why that is, to me, is because that eternal love is our Light connection to one another; it is what makes us the same rather than different. It means that I get to love and honor his journey all of the way, and keep standing and loving my fellow human being. I don’t have to control or manage.
I get to see our sameness, which allows me to remember that he is reflection of me; he is what I see in the world. So, as I continue to love myself and go deeply within, that is the eyes with which I get to view my child.
That is the way in which I get to be an amazing Mom.