I got another reminder today, amidst some lessons being learned at a fast pace, that when I am gripped by something, I hang onto it for dear life. Even though I know that it brings me misery, guilt, resentment or anger, I don’t want to let it go. Most likely, I don’t want to let it go because I have built some of my identity, my ego around being the victim of others; about the world being a violent, evil place; that I need to save the world from itself because of all the pain and sorrow. If my identity is dependent on that being the world, my very life depends on hanging onto it.
But then, I have a period of time like I had this week, when it seems like the lessons are crystal clear, and I see like no other time before. Today, I remembered the impact of releasing an old hurt.
Immediate, sweet relief.
After holding onto resentments and old hurts for a long period of time, I have no inkling what the letting go will feel like. As a matter of fact, it feels like I can’t possibly let go; I am too invested. I have been holding onto it for so long it is a part of me, it IS me. Then, I open my hands and my heart and drop it, like a hot coal in my hand.
The relief brings feelings of emotion, such as excitement, and thoughts of freedom, nothing binding me any longer. When I release, I stop telling myself the story that the world has wronged me, or that I can’t do anything about my feeling miserable.
I see my power, my beauty, my light and true essence. I know that I can tell a story that is full of forgiveness and peace, rather than resentment and hurt.
I am free to really shine me.