Moving Target.

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During various periods of my life and development, I have felt like a victim.  As a small child, when I was overweight and getting teased a lot at school, I felt like I was victimized.  When I came out to people and they didn’t accept, I felt like I was being judged and felt wounded by that.  As I got older, when things with a partner didn’t feel right, I rarely took much responsibility for the problems, and blamed the other person for mistreating me.

 

Now, being a victim had its payoffs for me, or so I thought.  That is why I held onto the identity for so long, and still do pick it up on occasion. When I felt like or saw myself as a victim, I got to get the attention of others, that either sympathized with my pain, could identify with it, or were just being good friends to me, or so they thought.  It also enabled me to NOT have to look at myself.  Even though when I was seeing myself as a “victim”, in those moments, I would have afterthoughts of my own role in it,  but would not think on it for long.  I knew it was a part of myself that wasn’t pretty.

 

The biggest way that being a victim was of benefit to me, is that I never had to actively say Yes to my life.  To say yes would mean to embrace whatever changes I needed to make to really, truly realize my dreams.  To focus my energies like a laser beam to that which I wanted for myself.  No, being a victim was a great excuse to stay inactive in the path of my life.

 

And, even though the other person seemed to be shooting the arrows at me, I was the one who was wearing the target.  There it was, on my chest, day after day.  Walking around in front of the weapon, begging to be shot at.  GULP.

Gratefully, I got sick enough of being a target, that I started to empower myself.  I started to take chances, to say both Yes, and No, powerfully and lovingly.  I remembered that being a victim is me saying no to my life and yes to misery and inaction.  The beauty of not being a victim, is that I get to fully embrace and accept the things that happen in my world as my own creation.  When I am not a victim, I am a Warrior.  I stand openly for what it is that I want, in a peaceful, strong way.  I feel firm.  I feel free.  I feel ready to take the steps that keep me in Light.  

 

Taking the target off my chest, and embracing that Warrior instead, brought me into the most powerful moments of my Life.  

 

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