Monthly Archives: August 2016

Waiting for the Sun to show up.

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I have loved being at the ocean for much of my life.  Although I have never lived on the coast, I have visited it from wherever I have lived.  When I was a child, we spent time at Hampton Beach in New Hampshire on summer days; we camped in Maine at Old Orchard Beach; we visited Cape Cod.  As an adult, for ten years my family rented a house for a week on Oak Island, North Carolina.  A week at the beach was absolute bliss.  Our honeymoon was spent at yet another ocean retreat, Tybee Island, Georgia.

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There are many things that I enjoy about being at the beach, at the ocean.  The time with my family.  The walks along the sand.  Shell finding.  And, the Ocean.  Looking out at the ocean, and its vast infinity.  Watching the waves crash against the shore.  See the dolphins play in the surf.  It is so peaceful, and awe inspiring.  

 

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When I am at the beach, I am always up early.  I hate missing a sunrise.  They are like few others that I have ever witnessed.  This morning was no exception.  When I walked out on the deck, and saw what was coming, I was inspired and so joyful.  Nature has such as easy, subtle way of shifting anything within me, to a place of pure peace and deep gratitude.  For her beauty and wisdom that She shares, just by doing what it is that She does every day.  

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I found myself waiting for the Sun to arrive, in beautiful anticipation.  Waves crashing against my legs.  Seagulls diving for treasures.  Amazed at the power and inspiration of it all.  

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And She did not disappoint.  As beautiful as ever.  Inspiring me to keep being my true Self in the world, to keep my eyes open to magic and beauty.  To go after my dreams.  To remember, that when I am my self in the world, my Light comes shining through.

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Work in Progress.

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I think I have spent many of the last 45 years of my life, on a diet, or exercise regimen of some sort.  I’ve done Weight Watchers, TOPS (Taking off Pounds Sensibly- where you got on the scale backwards and they would announce in front of the entire group whether you gained or lost weight since the last meeting), Gloria Stevens, which was an exercise center when I lived in New Hampshire, Intensati, liquid diet, running- and probably many others.  Always, the goal was clear:  lose weight and get into shape.  To meet up to an image that I thought that I should maintain, and feel better about what I would see when I looked in the mirror.

 

Or, so I thought.  

 

A diet, always, every time, no matter how it was presented or set up, felt like deprivation to me.  It was not as much a list of foods that were best to consume, or even to do what was best for my body.  It was not being able to have any of the foods that I liked the most, or so it seemed every time.  I went through much of my life, not eating cheese or nuts, equating that with bad food choices. Lettuce?  Yes.  Apples.  Great.  Anything that I craved, that was crunchy or gooey or extra tasty?  Forbidden.

 

I would obsess about what I did, and did not, put into my mouth.  I would rack myself with guilt, for “falling off the wagon”.  I would binge on forbidden foods like chips, candy, fried foods, all because I had messed up anyway, so why stop there?  Same story, different day, year after year.

 

Exercise never felt like my friend, at least, when I called it exercise.  In my childhood, I would ride my bike or walk around town, but I didn’t ever move a great deal.  I preferred to watch television, or hang out playing games.  So when I started to believe that exercise must be part of the equation to lose weight, I would obsess about that too.  I would run, even though I didn’t really enjoy it.  I would do workout DVDs or go to gyms and feel good about it for the moment, but didn’t feel excitement about going in the first place.  Yet, I felt like I had no choice; I had to do it.

 

This has been my pattern my entire life.  Looking for an external motivator to make an internal change.  And, it has worked over the years.  I would feel so proud to be 118 pounds, wearing a size 2 or 4, seeing how tiny I appeared to myself in pictures.  Then, a few years later, seeing my body after having my child, at 200 pounds, and being mortified.  My love of myself was completely connected to how I judged my size and my shape.  

 

I understand that change takes time.  And, gratefully, I have compassion for myself and my many evolutions.  I am an ongoing work in progress.  yet today, I feel so inspired to have tapped into where it is that I need to be and to stay- I need to come from a place of Love.  Love deep within myself.  For myself.  And, starting from that Love, I get to ask myself every day, what would feel really good to do for me, and for my body?  What would feel really good to put into it?  What energizes, excites and inspires me?  

 

I am on a new path, a path that is not about deprivation, but Abundance.  I am ready to give myself this beautiful gift.  I am on a path, finally, that is not me telling my sad story, about struggling with my weight my whole life.  I am telling a new story- a story of Love.  Of Choice.  Of Nurturance and Care.

 

A story of an Extraordinary Life.  

 

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What are you waiting for?

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About three weeks ago, my wife and I watched a documentary that changed our lives.  Now, I live a pretty happy life; I feel contented, purposeful, healthy, and happy.  I feel pretty fulfilled in most realms.  Yet, the sense of excitement for me, in terms of my living my dream, had diminished a bit.  I needed to spark it up again, and not just be going through the motions.

 

The documentary is on Netflix, entitled, “I am not your Guru”; and it is about Tony Robbins, who has been conducting workshops and publishing books for 25 years about living a more fulfilling life.  He is amazing.  I remember 25 years or so ago, a person that I knew buying his audio cassettes, entitled Personal Power, that were meant to be listened to on a daily basis to get you motivated to make a change, or several changes, in your life.  The film is extraordinary.

 

Now, I have been a life coach in training.  I have been in coaching, and in therapy.  I have read motivational books for years, and gotten better and better at knowing what I want in the world, and manifesting it through action.  Yet, watching him work with people at a workshop he conducts once a year in Florida, brought me to tears several times.  He goes right for the jugular; why are you not going after what you want?  What are you waiting for?

 

I have been thinking about and changing my course every day since watching that.  You see, I do a lot of low level dream realization; starting books, writing affirmations, reading, speaking to others, and soul searching about what I really want.  But I don’t always finish what I start.  I have three or four books on this very computer that I have never finished; one that I have finished, and edited already two or three times, but never carried through to publication!  I stop myself at every turn, and why do I do that?

 

FEAR, plain and simple.  Fear can easily talk me out of anything that I set my sights on, at least I think that it can.  I watched that documentary, and I started to make changes that remind me that I always get to talk back to that fear, back to that voice in my head that doubts and creates hesitancy in my action.  

 

Every day, I take purposeful action toward my dream.  What is my dream?  Well, if hugging other people could be a paid gig, it would be that.  And, I know it will include connecting with others through hugging.  What I can say about it, is that my dream is seeing people as capable; strong; free; and desiring change for themselves.  I see everyone as desiring connection, even though they say that they don’t.  And why do we say we don’t want to belong or connect with others?

 

FEAR.  It is the culprit every time.  

 

So I write every day.  I send out positive texts to a list of friends to inspire them.  I give hugs to others as often as possible.  I work on my book.  I get up right out of bed in the morning, greeting the day, walking or jumping on my mini trampoline.  I remind myself that I can do ANYTHING, putting notes on my desk at work or stating them as incantations.  I believe in the dream, and know it will come true.  I feel it.

 

I don’t yet know what the manifestation is going to look like, but the journey has been amazing.  I have brought excitement and magic back into my world, and my energy level is phenomenal.  I am wide awake for my life and all that it brings.

 

Whatever you think is stopping you, remember this minute that it isn’t true.  You can live your dream.  You can be contented and peaceful.  You can be fulfilled in whatever way you desire.
What are you waiting for???????

 

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