Every couple of months or so, I contemplate de activating my Facebook account. After spending a good amount of time paying attention to the various kinds of posts there, it feels like it would be self loving to take a break. Just tune out, and tune in to myself instead for a few days, weeks, whatever feels good to me.
However, the stuff that seems to impact me the most is not the political, commercial, provocative posts that I see there; I seem pretty immune to them these days, feeling secure in my own positions and opinions, and allowing others to have their own. What seems to impact me the most, as I do the one fingered scroll through on my Iphone, is friends on there. I see pictures of friends, having fun times with other friends, attending or hosting parties, traveling, and I feel a pang of disappointment. A feeling of being left out. I feel like when it comes to friends, I don’t matter to many.
Please, read on before you feel sorry for me; this is not to elicit sympathy for myself. It is a tremendous learning ground for me, and I am grateful. But at first glance, when I see friends of mine having fun with others, I don’t just think that I am happy for them that they are happy. I feel left out, left behind. I don’t take it out on them; I take it out on ME. What is wrong with ME? Aren’t I fun enough? Inspiring enough? Why don’t they call me to go out, to have tea, to come over for a movie? Why not ME???? I take the entire “exchange” personally. And, that is the kicker for me; there is no exchange; there is no rejection. It just is what is.
I have been reading the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz for a couple of years now, over and over again, and one of those agreements is to not take ANYTHING personally. Now, I have put it into action quite successfully and gratefully in my world over and over again, in relationship to my work; my family; and various friends. But then, I always get another opportunity to try the lesson on for size again, just to seal the deal. So, this is another time for that.
I certainly do not feel one bit peaceful when I take others personally. I feel frustrated, confused, rejected, sad, and angry. I feel like I am not enough in some way, shape or form. I feel like I want to be seen and acknowledged and it just isn’t happening in the way that I would like. I take an image from a social media outlet and think that means I know all that there is to a story. Because that is all it ever is, really. Just a story. Just a story that I tell myself and then come to believe as the truth.
The thing is, I always get to decide how I want to believe things to be. And, the lessons that I get to learn in all of this, are vital and substantial for my expansion and evolution. I am learning deeply about letting go; letting things and people be just as they are. When I do that, I accept more and judge less. Another lesson that I get to learn is that NOTHING in this world, not one thing, that is going on with another person, ever has anything to do with me. Even when it does, it doesn’t. This one of the four agreements is the one that I struggle with the most, yet gives me the most peace within when I ascribe to it.
And ultimately, that is the real win for me, is to come back to a place of Peace, always and as often as possible. When I am feeling peaceful, I am amazed that I could ever want to choose something other than Peace. Yet I do, day after day after day. And, then, gratefully, I get to remember, day after day after day, that Peace is the choice that I prefer, and it is always available to me. That I can pick it up, and hold it closely, as often and consistently as I desire. That I am beautiful, bright, of value and worth. That I am full of Love, Light, and Purpose. That all those that are meant to come in and out of my world are nothing short of blessings, and that I get to honor them as such, without putting limits, rules and expectations upon them. I get to let them be their beautiful selves, and celebrate the Self that I am in every moment.
I am forever grateful to be able to keep growing, learning, and Being in the brightest, most brilliant way that I can imagine to Be.