There are moments in life when I can hardly believe how detached that I am. And yet, I enjoy Life to its fullest capacity.
I spent the weekend in Atlanta, Georgia, home of Coca Cola and Martin Luther King, Jr. It has been amazing, and awe inspiring, and I had no idea that any of that was coming.
So, I was supposed to be attending a conference in Atlanta this weekend. And, no matter how peaceful that I am, I still love being a planner of sorts. So, as soon as I knew of the possibility of the conference, I bought my round trip air fair to Atlanta.
Then, it got canceled. And, I decided that coming to Atlanta, for fun, adventure, and who knows what, was well worth the price of a plane ticket and an Air bnb (is that how I write it??). So, I arrived in Atlanta Friday morning at 8:00 AM, and had no idea what was going to happen.
Suffice it to say, it has been freakin’ amazing.
I hugged a polar bear, hugged multiple humans, ate beautiful food and walked for miles. And, what added beauty and magic to every moment was my own presence. My own awareness of being awake. Alive. In a sense of knowing. I am humbled and in awe of how awake I am on any given day! Something so startling and inspiring is happening in me, as I continue to crack wide open.
Strange, and not that strange, we start out in this world as completely new and open, and having a keen knowing of who it is that we truly Are. Then, slowly and over time, we curl up, we close, we forget, and then we learn to pretend that we haven’t really forgotten. Then, we remember, just a little bit, but get scared. We get scared to be open, and vulnerable. Vulnerability is certain death, after all! Don’t do it- don’t risk losing that which is predictable and safe; security at its peak.
But, that is the joke, after all. There is not truth to that. In this form, in this body, we are fragile. Anything could happen, and end this as we know it to be. At any moment. So, I tell you:
This is not IT.
Wait. I will say that again.
THIS IS NOT IT.
It only feels like “it”.
I am not saying that this realm, this experience doesn’t FEEL real. It feels completely real. We learn about it, we invest in it, we protect it, build it, commit to it!
Then, something goes profoundly wrong- “bad” as we call it here. And we feel completely turned upside down and shaken. How could this happen? What did I do to deserve this? Where’s G_d?
I admit, knowing what I have come to know doesn’t ease all of the pain, loss, and grief, hurt and anger. But, it helps.
I still feel pain. Hurt. Anger. Grief. Disappointment.
AND- I remember that I can feel those emotions, as deeply and authentically as possible as needed, and then, allow them to pass. I get to watch them float by without staying attached to them. It is perfectly okay to feel what we feel- but we don’t have to attach ourselves to a story about those feelings.
When I am one with all that Is, I see every circumstance unfolding precisely as it should; I see how every step makes sense to the overall picture, and I am available to an acceptance of things just being as they are. Life as it Is. And, I meet the most amazing other humans on that journey.
I have come to more consistently see the other side of the story; the other side of the story in my mind. The other side is Surrender. Peace. Forgiveness. Everything that we already carry in us, and is our only possible saving grace. And, grace is not my doing. How could it be? I am part of and receiving that grace, but it is so much bigger than me in this human form. When I say yes to grace, and sink into that truth, it is the deepest peace that I have ever known.