Monthly Archives: September 2019

Just Drop It.

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I attended a family event yesterday, where many members of my family of origin were present, that no longer speak to me. For one reason or another, although the reason no longer matters, things became estranged, and reconciliation, in the form sense, never occurred. I had a strong desire to be in attendance, and also felt fear at what might, or might not occur. 

 

And, it unfolded in a pretty predictable fashion. I sat separately from many other family members. I danced. I ate good food. I spent time with those that invite me in. I shone my light over and over again. Yet, I was scared, in many moments yesterday, and even this morning, to accept the Now, and to allow things to be as they are.

 

It can be so easy to hold onto what we think we knew as a previous “truth”, or to project into the future what we want or anticipate things to look like. The only real, obvious Truth that I know, and continue to resist at times, is that Now is All There Is.  Ever. And, that is not some fanciful, far out Truth that is not available to any one of us. At any moment, any time, we each get to choose to drop our beliefs, notions, memories, and expectations, and Be Here Now. And, I always get to choose that, whether those around me are choosing it or not. 

 

The stories that I carry around from my life up until now can seem so real to me at times, about what is really happening. And, when I take a breath, and really just quiet my monkey mind, there is so much more there waiting for me than the story that I think is the truth, of how things were or how I want them to be. For as long as there is breath in my lungs, I will be here in the physical form realm, navigating my way through in the best way that I can. Yet, this physical form realm is not the deepest truth that I have available to me, and form always reminds me of that, as much as it reminds me of the stories that I still hold onto at times.

 

So I cry. And I resist. And I allow the Truth of the Now to flow through me instead, eventually. Sometimes, it takes longer than other times. But I always get there. I always choose Peace. I always remember what is real. I always let go of my beliefs in honor of what feels good.

 

I drop the illusion for the beauty of Now. 

 

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Going Deeper.

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I have now been aware of Eckhart Tolle, and his guidance back to the Now, for a full six or seven years. Seven years ago, I wasn’t even aware of having heard his name before. I dabbled in many things that seemed to disengage me from the form world more and more, and encourage me to go deeper; yet his voice on the page and in videos and audios, has stayed with me in an irreversible way. He will say that when a person is becoming more conscious, there is no way back- there is only a way through.

 

And, over and over again, I have put that to the test, and the circumstances of Life have never failed to keep coming. You see, the deepest learning, the greatest growth, in coming back into, and staying in the Now, is through our day to day circumstances that we use to keep us out of the Now the most. The old, familiar habits and behaviors that, even though not satisfying, we have held onto for years. Decades even. And, believe me when I tell you, the more conscious I become, the more challenging the lessons seem to be.

 

Maybe, because I am more awake than I have ever been, the lessons that come feel like I saved the hardest ones for last, just to make sure that I wasn’t still invested fully in this world of form. Most likely it is at least because, I am now ready for the biggest challenges. However, I don’t always know I am ready, until it shows itself to me in a powerful way.

 

I have gone through deep transformation and letting go, in order to Be Here Now, with my body, and my relationships, two of the biggest areas that I would judge, or try to control in some way. I am more satisfied in these two areas of my life than I have ever been. At peace. At one with what is. Most of the time anyway. Of course, there are still moments when that seems more challenging. But I am a different being in terms of these areas now. And, the one other area that I knew would hold on for dear life, would be my career. What I do for a living. My job. My degrees. 

 

It seems that I find myself there. Letting go of the form of working in a career that I took to define who I am. A line of work that seemed like it made sense to me, at least at one point in my life. But that was back when I still saw people in the world as broken, and needy, and that I was creating a career to fix them. 

 

Well, guess what I found out along the way? That if I am loving and accepting things, including people, as they are, then nothing is broken. Nothing requires fixing. That I have managed, by my becoming more conscious, to work myself out of a “job”. I find it hilarious at the same time that I find it terrifying. 

 

But, I don’t stay scared for long. Not anymore, anyway. I know that I have options. I know that I can do ANYTHING that I want to do. Fully and excitedly and be able to still make my rent. I KNOW, TRUST, and BELIEVE that it is all just waiting for me, and I will collide with it at precisely the right time. And, that there is no urgency to DO anything. Just be with what Is.

 

So, how do I put that into practice in any uncomfortable or unsatisfying situation? I remember, that I have three options: Change the situation; leave the situation; or accept it, totally. As Eckhart says, “All else is madness”.  And, today, as I felt uninspired and discouraged, I remembered those choices. I remembered that I can never go back, only through. I remembered that every, single human I get to interact with, in any way, is showing me their grace, divinity, eternity, and sameness. It is a gift and a privilege that I get to appreciate, in the Now, over and over again. 

 

Damn, I am so happy to be awake! 

 

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