Monthly Archives: March 2020

End of this world (as we know it).

Florida, March 2019
Wow. The form world is really upside down right now. Things that never seemed possible in this lifetime; the level of uncertainty and fear; the feeling of isolation and loneliness. To me, it seems uprecedented; I don’t have a single circumstance to relate to it or to compare it to. It seems surreal, it seems like my worst nightmare, it feels more hopeless than I have ever felt before in my life.
I have spent much of the time before this, developing a daily commitment to my own level of peace, of feeling centered and balanced. At first, that came out of necessity, because I was living a pretty tight, unfulfilled existence. More recently however, I have found that I can’t NOT go back to breath, come back to the present moment, let go of anything that I can’t control.
Which is EVERYTHING.
And now, I am finding that all of that practice was for a bigger purpose. That my diligence in being as present as possible, to surrender as often as possible, and to do my best to accept everything as it is, is more important than ever. To disengage from the various forms of this world that I have been wedded to, many of us have, for our entire lives. The freedom to travel when and where we want. To go to the store and find an ample supply of goods. To go to our jobs everyday feeling secure that they will be there for us. 
To touch and interact, and gather with one another.

I have spent the last few years letting go of belongings, to simplify more, and to also let go of old ideas and beliefs about who I am. For me, hugging was about the last form based entity that I felt called to, inspired by, and always used as a practice of presence and peace. Now, I am letting go of even that. And, it hurts. It feels strange. It doesn’t add up with how I have built my world and what I looked forward to continuing to build.

Atlanta, July 2019

It is indeed, the end of the world, as I have known it to be. Even with disengagement over the years, even with presence and surrender, I feel overwhelmed. I feel lost, hopeless and vulnerable. So, yet again, I keep calling myself back to the only solace, the only respite, the only space that is true. The Now. In these times, that can seem almost impossible. Yet, I use the tools that I know. I call upon the structures that have guided me. I keep returning, over and over and over and over again.
And, I remember, that the passing away of the world as I have known it, that will only seem like loss and suffering if I don’t accept things as they are. So, I keep breathing. Pausing. Disconnecting from news, and connecting with people. I create. I rest. I cry. I give to myself that which can best sustain me. As we navigate through this new level of consciousness and internal knowing. 

I trust in what I know to be the Truth. 

A Quiet Mind.

For most people, the mind is not known for its quiet nature. For me, and many people, it is known for being loud, and persistent, with never ending thoughts, ideas, worries, and stories that are floating through it. Some of those stories and ideas catch our attention more than others. When they catch our attention, it is like everything else around us stops. We become entranced by our mind and follow it wherever it leads us.
Beyond the thoughts that pop up, and catch our attention, there is the busyness of the worried mind. That was always the category that my mind fell into. I would wake up with worry, about my relationships, my child, my job, my money situation, or any other number of concerns. None of which I could solve lying in my warm bed; or that needed any solving at all. Just situations and circumstances of my life that I felt weren’t quite where I wanted them to be, and my ruminating thoughts seemed to be the essential component to “solving” my “problems”. Yet, the result was guts that were churning, loss of sleep at night, and a vague sense of unease and doom throughout my day.
Now, I am a pretty positive person, but my mind used to be so active, that I started to define my call to action or to “do something” as my way to care about myself and the world. I truly believed that it was a loving gesture, to attempt to control or affect my circumstances. The real truth was, that doing something, anything, seemed like it would calm the monkey mind. Rarely did it bring more than a temporary reprieve, however, and I would then pick up something else to worry about.
Then, I discovered Eckhart Tolle. What a miracle finding out about him was, and is, in my life. Learning how to detach from my thoughts; to realize that Now is all there Is; and to disengage from worry. To truly surrender to What Is.  It hasn’t been easy, and my thoughts are still swirling around in my head. But, the majority of the time, the chatter and ongoing thought production in my mind, has been replaced by a quiet that I have never experienced. My thoughts float by like clouds in the sky. 
And, the quiet that I experience? It is deafening. Actually, it is even more than a quiet, it is almost like a hum. The hum of the Universe. You know, that frequency that you experience in your ears, before a snowstorm arrives? That’s my new frequency.
A quiet mind does so much for me. It allows me to let things be as they are. I watch my thoughts go by, rather than becoming caught up in every one and create a story around it. I breathe more, intentionally and in the moment. I stopped DOING all the time, and just BEING. The difference is astounding. The results are life changing. And, I am happier, more at Peace. More in my life than ever before.
It takes practice. It takes commitment and diligence, to truly reap the rewards of living presently and in the Now. So, in the midst of struggle, change, and Life circumstances that seem difficult, do your best to cultivate a quiet mind. Sit for a few minutes each day; read; reflect; journal. Walk in nature. Take a bath. Nurture yourself.
Give yourself the gift of Presence. And see what happens. 

Truest Vision. 

The world is feeling pretty surreal about now. There are many different types of information that are around; it is hard to find what the facts are; and people are scared. Scared people do things at times that are impulsive, rash and don’t make sense. I  get it. I understand. And, I have considered many different options and ideas throughout this week, never anticipated last Monday that we would be where we are today; isolated, afraid, and in a period of waiting and hoping that things get better.
By nature, I have always been a person that worried, about everything, and at times, it would border on the level of panic. I would ruminate on things, I lived constantly in the future, and “What If” realm of thinking. Of course, worrying and ruminating on anything never made it not happen, or changed the outcome. But, I believed that if I worried about it enough, I would generate creative ideas and pre planning that would have me prepared for any outcome. Whether I was stocking up on groceries because of an upcoming snow storm; planning and packing for a trip weeks in advance so that I would not forget anything; or wanting assurances from those around me without knowing how things might turn out. At the time, I believed that all of these “plans” helped me to be doing SOMETHING; I thought that belief would bring me some sort of consolation that everything would be okay.

But then, seven years ago, I found out about Eckhart Tolle. Amidst all of my self help books and videos that I would consume over my adult lifetime, I had never even heard of him, let alone read anything by him. His words, his truth, changed my life in record time. I came to understand that Now is all there ever is; that there is no future or past; and that being in that state of awareness, that acute Presence, relieves me of any anxiety or rumination. Reading his words, listening to his talks, and putting it into practice over the last few years, literally saved my life. 

It doesn’t mean that I believe everything is always perfect; or that I have not had struggles and issues to deal with in those last few years. To the contrary; I have had many, life altering circumstances that I have had to deal with in my world. Death. Dissolution of relationships. Moving. Job changes. Illness. What it gave me the ability to do, was to put into practice, in the most difficult circumstances, that which I was learning. And, over time, I have come to understand that even if I am facing a difficult life situation, I don’t HAVE to suffer. I don’t HAVE to be unhappy. I can simply accept it As It Is; Surrender to the circumstance; and trust that all will be well.


Some days, I feel better at the practice than others. Three years ago, when my aunt died, was one of my biggest challenges to remembering presence so far. It hurt deeply, and I allowed the hurt to consume me. And, since then, have had many more opportunities to put it to work for me. Breathing and being Here Now. And, slowly, I began to realize how life circumstances outside of me had less and less of an impact on my sense of Peace, my inner state of well being. I felt different. I felt BETTER.
I have grand plans. I want to travel more, hug hundreds, thousands more people. I want to write, I want to talk, I want to grow and be and evolve. And, Life has other plans sometimes. And, anything I have planned for myself, including the biggest, most profound Hug Bug Tour so far, may not come to be. Nothing is certain here. Everything is fleeting and impermanent.  Yet, we can be in the Present, Be Here Now, and understand that although the circumstances may feel frightening, and overwhelming, we can still surrender. We can still be at Peace.
Peace is my Truest Vision. 

Miracles.

I am more aware than ever of what a miracle really is. I have often, in the past, believed a miracle had to be big, bold, an answer to a prayer. The eleventh hour reprieve from something that we cannot bear to occur in our lives. And, those miracles still exist for people. Yet, I now know about the everyday, brilliant miracles that happen and that I see in Life. 
I am more awake, alert, and alive than I have ever felt. EVER. And that is for many reasons, and many changes that I have made to my way of living. But, the biggest catalyst for that awakening is my degree of Presence. Being Here Now. If that sounds like a far out concept, it isn’t. That is just your logical mind trying to convince that everything has to be cut up, measured and scientifically proven to be true. To be real. And, being Here Now, and accepting and honoring everything As It Is, that has been the most effective medicine for anything that ails me.
I have used many medicines to try to feel better about Life at times. And, Presence is the magical cure. It is the miracle. Why is it a miracle? Because it does so many things, it Is so many things, that are not what I have been taught, or what we are accustomed to in this physical realm.
Presence reminds me that Now is all there is. Not as a concept. For real. The future does not exist. The past is just a memory trace. The only time is Now. 

Presence reminds me that to accept everything As It Is, that is the only action that brings lasting peace. To Surrender and allow Life to unfold, that means that we are no longer gripped by resentment, longing, or anticipation. We can just be one with what is happening, right now. It doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it; but by allowing it, we let Peace enter.

Presence is my gateway to knowing that I am connected to everyone, and everything, and that we are all One. By reminding me of that, I can release myself from judgment, of people and situations, and see myself in each one of them. I can see their essence, their light, just like I see my own. 

Presence reminds me that in being Here Now, there is the greatest freedom, quiet and Peace that I have ever known. 
Do you know what it is like to have a quiet mind? Presence has brought me that; my mind was a constant banter of endless chatter, and I never seemed to be very effective at quieting it. Now, I have moments, days, of complete quiet in my head. So quiet, I can feel/hear the frequency that I notice right before the snow falls. The sound that has no sound. That is my inner hum, my inner frequency. Presence brings me that.
So, what is a miracle? Everything.