Florida, March 2019
Wow. The form world is really upside down right now. Things that never seemed possible in this lifetime; the level of uncertainty and fear; the feeling of isolation and loneliness. To me, it seems uprecedented; I don’t have a single circumstance to relate to it or to compare it to. It seems surreal, it seems like my worst nightmare, it feels more hopeless than I have ever felt before in my life.
I have spent much of the time before this, developing a daily commitment to my own level of peace, of feeling centered and balanced. At first, that came out of necessity, because I was living a pretty tight, unfulfilled existence. More recently however, I have found that I can’t NOT go back to breath, come back to the present moment, let go of anything that I can’t control.
Which is EVERYTHING.
And now, I am finding that all of that practice was for a bigger purpose. That my diligence in being as present as possible, to surrender as often as possible, and to do my best to accept everything as it is, is more important than ever. To disengage from the various forms of this world that I have been wedded to, many of us have, for our entire lives. The freedom to travel when and where we want. To go to the store and find an ample supply of goods. To go to our jobs everyday feeling secure that they will be there for us.
To touch and interact, and gather with one another.
I have spent the last few years letting go of belongings, to simplify more, and to also let go of old ideas and beliefs about who I am. For me, hugging was about the last form based entity that I felt called to, inspired by, and always used as a practice of presence and peace. Now, I am letting go of even that. And, it hurts. It feels strange. It doesn’t add up with how I have built my world and what I looked forward to continuing to build.
Atlanta, July 2019
It is indeed, the end of the world, as I have known it to be. Even with disengagement over the years, even with presence and surrender, I feel overwhelmed. I feel lost, hopeless and vulnerable. So, yet again, I keep calling myself back to the only solace, the only respite, the only space that is true. The Now. In these times, that can seem almost impossible. Yet, I use the tools that I know. I call upon the structures that have guided me. I keep returning, over and over and over and over again.
And, I remember, that the passing away of the world as I have known it, that will only seem like loss and suffering if I don’t accept things as they are. So, I keep breathing. Pausing. Disconnecting from news, and connecting with people. I create. I rest. I cry. I give to myself that which can best sustain me. As we navigate through this new level of consciousness and internal knowing.
I trust in what I know to be the Truth.