Tag Archives: equal marriage

Front seat conversation

I have a bumper sticker on the back of my car, for months now, that says, “I love love. I support gay marriage.” Simple message, yet loaded at the same time. In all of the months that I have had it on there, I have only seen two other cars with it on; and I have travelled a LOT of miles since that time. Not many persons seem to want to advertise what their thoughts are on this important issue.

However, every time that I get behind the wheel, I am acutely aware of what is on my bumper. And, I consider the car that is travelling behind me. I drive several miles to and from work; I travel from my office to other destinations; I sit in traffic a lot. So, there are many chances for other drivers behind me to get close enough and read the message.

I often wonder, I mean, I ALWAYS wonder, what kind of conversation does this muster in the front seats of the cars that are behind me? I mean, there are times that the driver behind me is alone in the car, and I have seen at least one driver who was actually mouthing the wording of my bumper sticker out loud in her car one day. It was kind of charming. Funny thing is, the sticker is actually “I heart heart. I support gay marriage.” There are two hearts for the words, love, yet, people know that. That day, the woman in the car was mouthing “I love love.” Cool.

When there is a driver and a passenger, or, more than one passenger, in the car behind me, I often am curious about what is being said about the sticker, presuming that they have seen it and read it. My guess is, most drivers that are close enough to my bumper to read it, DO. And, face it, everyone has an opinion about gay marriage. Gay rights. Gay, PERIOD. I wonder if the conversation is one of compassion, anger or hatred. I wonder if there exists understanding, or if the front seat conversation seeks understanding. I wonder if prayers are recited, or vile words are repeated. Or, if a person in a passenger seat heaves a huge sigh of relief, that there are people out in the world who are on their side. It kinda sucks that I have to feel appreciative when people stand up for gay persons, that aren’t gay themselves. Frankly, it doesn’t happen often enough, at least not up to this point.

I was at a holiday event with our daughter over the weekend, here in our little town, at the Fire Hall. A woman sitting next to me, whom I had met through our church, was inquiring as to whether or not I had written a letter to the editor of the local paper the week before, about the Equality March. She was sure that she had recognized my name, and, my town. Yep, I said. That was me.

She spent the next few minutes telling me how much she liked the letter; that she was so glad that someone was talking about it; that she thought it should not be such a big deal if gay persons wanted to marry; what was the harm? Why were so many people against it? I thanked her for her conversation, and her support. It felt so comforting to know, that it had been read, and that people do understand, care, and want justice.

I know, from my front seat to theirs, I have begun a dialogue, albeit silent in some ways; but minds are being at least challenged, ideas are being introduced; people are talking; and maybe, just maybe, the times are a changing.


Marching onward!

I was filled with anticipation, and I have to admit, a bit of anxiety. We were not even at the train station yet in Wheaton, and it was after 12 noon.

Noon was when the march on Sunday, October 11 was about to start.

I didn’t want to miss it. I was trying to let go; trying to realize how difficult it was when were trying to keep a group of 18 persons together for one six hour trip. Delays were bound to happen. There would be plenty of other moments that would occur that day that I could take in and carry with me.

I couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed that we might miss the march. That was a big part of what I was looking forward to. Marching down Pennsylvania Avenue, with what I expected to be thousands of others who believe in full, equal rights. I wanted to carry my neon sign. I wanted to be one of the many that were present and visible, walking past the White House, voices raised in unison.

So, to Wheaton we went. We finally found the train station, so that we could ride the Metro into the city to avoid driving into traffic. We got our passes. We made our pit stops.

Then, we were on the train. We were on our way.

When we got off the train, about one block from where the march was beginning, we weren’t sure if it was still going on. It was close to 1:00; surely, it was close to being over, and preparing for the rally.

But, we heard them. The crowd.

At first, I couldn’t tell if it was the crowd that was marching, the crowd that was lining the streets in support, or some of both. All I knew was, I saw it right ahead of me. A torrent of humans, carrying signs, chanting, and walking down Pennsylvania Avenue.

marching to the capitol!

The march was still going on…….

And, the thing is, there were SO MANY people marching, we couldn’t possibly have missed it. There were still marchers for several blocks by the time we entered the line. We just walked up to the march, and jumped in. Carrying our signs. Mine was neon pink, and on one side said: “Love is Love”. The other side, the one that I showed most often, was “Accept No Substitutes: Full Equal Marriage NOW”. I had my newly created tee shirt on as well; one bride plus one bride equals love. That simple.

bride plus bride equals love

me and marching

That is it, in a phrase, that is what we want. That is what I want, for myself, my family, and anyone else who feels so inclined to marry. We deserve that right.

On that bright, sunny day in October, on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, DC, it didn’t matter what we were wearing, what color or gender we were, even whether or not we carried a sign or a flag.

We were united, fully together, connected, by the desire for change, the hunger for justice, the demand for equality and full rights.

We had a purpose, and we were so rocking that purpose in that moment of time. And, it worked. And, it will continue to work, I so know that.

the crowd

NEM idol!

Okay, now I don’t know if this is REALLY going to happen, but I think I am auditioning to be a speaker at the rally during the National Equality March on October 11, 2009. For those of you that don’t know, the National Equality March, and rally, is being held for the first time this year, in order to bring as many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender persons and their families, friends and allies together, to advocate for full, equal, civil, marriage rights. There is no more time to be patient; now is the time to act.

As part of this historic event, which by the way is being held at the same time as the annual Coming Out Day, there will be speakers to address the thousands of persons that are anticipated as attending. And, as part of that energy, people have been invited to audition to be a speaker there, persons that have energy, passion, have a devotion to the LGBT community and its needs, and who want to speak out about it.

Well, let’s see: I have energy, no doubt. Passion, without questions. Devotion? Well, I have been working toward inclusion and understanding for years now, through training, and educating others, including most recently, the church that my family and I attend. I think I am qualified.

But, the question is: do I have the courage to do this? Sure, there could be thousands that try for this, so my chances of being chosen are slim. However, I am willing to try anyway, but what if I were chosen, what then???? Thinking about it makes my stomach feel funny, though I am not sure if that is butterflies of excitement or waves of nausea in anticipation.

What I need to do to try out for this is two things: First, draft a speech of that which I would like to say to get people energized and full of hope to go forward. Then, I have to film myself giving that speech, and send it off to the organizers. They will pick a group of finalists, whose videos will be uploaded onto Youtube and then voted on; whoever gets the most hits, wins!!

I will keep you all posted, and I will probably post my speech at some point, but the thing is, that feels more challenging to me than actually speaking in front of people……

How do I say in three minutes or less how this journey of identity and coming out has brought me to my self, like nothing else in my life? How speaking up and speaking out is now the only way that I can be? How marrying the love of my life would be one of the most anticipated moments for me? How valued and beloved I feel by the Universe, God, and so many persons I have met, who have felt rejected much of their lives?

There is so much in my heart and soul that needs to be said, that should be said, when it comes to equality, love, and justice. Because, that is what this is about, more than love, more than civil rights or pride, is justice, doing the right thing.

Fairness for all.

Wish me luck!!!!

Living my life, loving my wife



me and my beloved


Some days, I wonder and glow at the idea of how ordinary our un-ordinary life is.  Wait for the smell of the coffee brewing automatically in our kitchen.  Opening up all of our shades and curtains to let in that natural light.  Walking our dogs, feeding our cats, and getting ready to face the work day.


Ordinary, in so many ways. 


In other words, I am just living my life.  And, loving my wife.


I am gay.  There is no doubt about that.  And, I no longer hide in shame from that, although I have in the past, and the hiding seemed like a good, safe idea at the time.  Safe for others maybe, others to not have to face it.  Safer than having to look at myself with loving honesty in the mirror.  But, the shame was devastating,  and I see it slowly destroy the souls of so many that believe that they cannot be out.


Being gay is not the only part of me, but it is an ESSENTIAL part of me.  I not only accept it and embrace it, I openly and lovingly CELEBRATE and announce it.  And why not?  Why not rejoice and pay tribute to every wondrous part of my self? 


So many persons that I know that are gay, and in various phases of coming out, don’t tell or become more open about it because they don’t believe that it is anyone else’s “business” about who we love.  I disagree.  I want to make my happiness and bliss and love for my beautiful soulmate the story of my life that gets told, not locked away in my heart somewhere.  Love, my friends, is meant to be shared in my way of thinking.


So, I am living my life and loving my wife. 


And, for those that say that it doesn’t “matter that you are gay; that doesn’t matter to me”; I want you to do better for me than that.  It should matter, because it is as important a part of me as all other wonderful parts:  my gayness.  It is okay to think about it, talk about it, pray about it.  Believe me,  I am totally okay and free and joyous and proud to be every inch, every fiber of who I am.  SO, you can feel really good about it, too.


Love me, love my wife.  For, she is my wife in all ways, you know.  Except the license.  But, that will come someday, I know it.  Come over for a barbeque, share our joy, laugh with us, help us when we grieve, join in the dance of life that we dance each and every blessed day.


Ordinary, but not.  Perfect.


I only need to stop and rest a little while…….

I feel like our daughter used to feel when she was smaller, and would walk and walk with us out shopping or playing, and would just need to sit and rest for a bit, while she gathered her energy back up. 


The Prop 8 decision came down today.  And, marriages already granted in California will stand as legal, but no further marriages will be granted there, and marriage in the state of California is between one man and one woman only from this point forward.  Seems a little bit confusing, doesn’t it?  I mean, I am so grateful that the marriages granted are standing.  But, no one else gets the chance? 


Why is it that the granting of civil rights to us as loving, committed couples has to be hit or miss like this in this great nation of ours?  Are we asking for anything that is so ridiculous or far fetched that it cannot just be granted?  No, we most certainly are not. 


We don’t want half rights; we don’t want civil unions.  We want MARRIAGE, full, clear and legal.  Nothing in between.  We deserve to be treated equally and fairly, and justly. 


Today, after the ruling came down, I felt so tired, so sad and discouraged.  I just wanted to curl up and forget about all of it.  In other words, a part of me wanted to give up.


Then, I got rested.  I got boosted back up again.  And, I got my determination back.  I am ready.  I know what we deserve.  I know what I and my beloved deserve.  I know what I will settle for and what I won’t.  I know how capable I am to fight for what I believe in.


I believe in justice.  I believe in equality.  I believe in fairness.  I believe in peace. 


I BELIEVE IN LOVE………………………………………………………………