Tag Archives: growth

Learning to Walk.


I bought myself a new pair of shoes last week. Although it was a style that I don’t normally buy, it wasn’t too outrageous, and I wanted to try them out. What I found is that I suddenly, don’t seem to know how to walk properly. I am walking with my feet pointed way out, like a duck, and tensing my toes so that they stay on, but don’t rub incessantly against each heel, causing blisters.

It sounds complicated, but it has been the process, nonetheless.

Today I was lost in thought about the bigger meaning of buying a new pair shoes. And, I realized that in life, we are always learning how to walk. Whether we are toddlers or later in our lives, we are all at various phases of how to manage to get around with what we have. When we are little, and first learning what walking is all about, we observe those around us and how they get around. We test out our legs by crawling, pulling ourselves up by our hands, and cruising from one piece of furniture to another. One day, we get the urge and courage to let go, and take a step. Then two. Then ten, right across the room, usually into the open arms of someone who has been waiting for that moment forever.

I believe we never outgrow this. Learning to walk is not a once and done deal. Every day, at least for me, it seems that I am learning something new that requires me to adjust my thinking, and learn to move through my life in a different way. Different by no means is bad, mind you.

Just different.

So, today, it was actual shoes that I was adjusting to, and as a result, I had to walk in an entirely new fashion. I had to rely on skills I already had, and new ones that I had to make up as I went along. Metaphorically speaking, there are many situations that I encounter, and then have to learn to walk again, or in a new way. When I am addressing a difficult issue with my daughter, and want to maintain our open, honest communication, I develop new ways to navigate through that, learning all the time what works and what doesn’t. In my job, I am always learning how I need to communicate what I really want, from a provider or a client, so that their needs get met. Sometimes, I already have the knowledge that I need. Sometimes, I am learning as I go.

No matter what life scenario we will encounter, I believe that we are always learning, and then we always have the opportunity to take that learning out into the world, and put ourselves in the midst of our lives.
Whether we are toddling, strolling or running, we are learning, changing, growing, and expanding.

The beauty of life that it really is ageless, timeless, and full of new adventures.


What Faith really means.

Faith without acts is nothing.

I am not sure who originally said it, but I know that I have heard it several times in my life, most recently in the rooms of AA. Words that help me in forging my new path in my life as I go forward with courage and vision.

To me, faith was such a complex word for many years of my life. I didn’t really know what it meant to have faith, and even though I would say at times that I had it, I am not sure if I really had the full sense of what it was to me. The best that I can remember, is that faith to me, was merely believing in a power greater than myself, and that I was always being watched over and cared for.

I say MERELY, because I understand that that is only one part, albeit an important one, of what faith really means.

Over the last two years especially, I have grown deeply in my belief in a power greater than myself, and that I am being watched over and cared for. For me, that higher power is rooted in my Native American lineage, and it is Great Spirit, which enables me to feel connected to the earth, my world, and other living creatures in a deep way. I am so grateful for that part of my faith.

However, I also used to define faith as something that you didn’t really have to DO anything with, except to believe. I understand now how short sighted that is. True, belief in something bigger than myself is a big part of that equation. However, it doesn’t remove me from my own responsibility in my life.

If I were to just believe, and have things not turn out as I would like, it makes it so easy to blame or hold responsible a power greater than myself. And I am bigger than that. I am the one accountable for the actions, the deeds, the steps that I use while standing in my faith, to create the life that I want it to be.

That means, whether I am facing a challenge, building a deep relationship, finding a new career, or caring for my body, I have to always be mindful of what I am doing to further myself along my path, that I am doing my part.

And, as I write that, I recall that the saying is that, faith without works is DEAD.

The truth is, I need to have such deep respect for myself and my life, that I am doing all that I can, to make it magical and extraordinary, and believe and have trust that I will be watched over through all of my steps and growth.

Now, that is faith that I can truly believe in.

Friends and Family.

This is me with some of the members of my family, two of my siblings. I feel deeply connected to both of them, and when I think of the word, family, I think of them, among others in my life. I also, through the years, have had many different friends and community connections.

The definitions for both have seemed to be pretty cut and dry in my life; my family were those persons that I was biologically connected to through birth or lineage, and some chosen family members; and friends were those persons that I hadn’t known until we had entered each other’s lives. Seems pretty simple, right?

Well, fast forward to the last year of my life. I have been separated from my partner for a full year now, and we have been living apart for several months. And, I have had a specific vision and hope for what we would evolve into with one another as we went forward, to parent our daughter and to also hold value in one another’s lives. It seemed simple, right?

Not so simple.

Besides the reluctance to put some type of label on it, besides “ex”, I felt compelled to create something new with her that was showing signs of healing and growth for both of us. I have known all along that I do not want her to leave my life. She is important to me and I care about what happens to her.

Something interesting happened for me this week in working to figure this out. It dawned on me, that as I went about, trying to find the right way for us to be in existence with one another, I had overlooked the one constant, besides our daughter, that would be true for both of us.

We will always be family.

I don’t just mean, family for our shared child. I also mean, family as in the importance that each of our individual families still have for the other. Family, in that, we grew up together in many ways, and shared many things with one another. Family, in that, I always want to be there for her in some capacity, and have her be there for me.

So, even though it might go against the grain, and even create a level of misunderstanding for others around us, the best way that I will always be able to describe what we are to one another, is as family. And that is so powerful and meaningful to me.

I feel the healing.

I am working on improving so many of my life areas, and going toward the dream in those areas. However, one way in which I am incredibly sloppy is in the area of sleep. There is some truth to the story, that part my struggle with getting proper sleep is that parts of the night, I don’t sleep well. I either get up to use the bathroom, the cat wakes me up with her purring, or I awaken for other reasons which disrupts my flow of sleep. Like I said, though, this is only part of the story.

The rest of the story is that I am an absolute brat about a bedtime. I am better than I have been in the past, but I like to stay up late, and get up early. Although it is great that I enjoy both ends and beginnings of my day, if I don’t save enough time in between to rest, I am not much fun for the mornings or the nights.

I have been quite busy the last couple of weeks, more than I had been before that. However, if I am truly designing my time, and a life that is my biggest dreams realized, I need to make that design configured so that I get the rest that I need. By the time this week rolled around, I found it difficult to stay awake in the middle of the day. I don’t like that feeling and I know I need to do better.

Last night, I promised myself when I got home from work that I would be in bed, ready for sleep by 11:00. I was in bed, and was focusing on sleeping and fell asleep within minutes. I knew that I wanted to get up early as well, and when I got up at 6:30 this morning, I felt amazing. Not just because I had slept well, even with waking up to pee, mind you, but because I had kept my promise to myself, and felt better physically and mentally because of it.

I truly felt the sensation of healing this morning when I got up. The real rest helped, and it also helped to wake up, knowing that I was in integrity, that I had kept a promise, and because I had, kept many more promises during the day today that I had planned.

My life is growing, changing, and expanding, and I realize the importance of design, intention and promises on healing, and having exactly what I want in my life.

Only change brings change.

In looking at the title of this post, maybe it states the obvious. However, maybe not. As I move forward in my coaching training, and learn more about myself and others, I realize that there are many of us that do not get this logic.

The truth is, many of us believe that our lives will change for the better if the other people and circumstances in our lives change. We may really believe that we don’t need to do anything in order for our lives to become more fulfilling. And it is that way of thinking that I am addressing here.

If we are not willing to change, then our lives will not change. No matter what others do or don’t do, we won’t have anything different if we don’t do anything different.

I am learning about this more as time goes by, that I need to do the changing in order for my life to change for the better. In order to grow, I need to be the one growing, and wanting to grow. I could swirl in the expectation that others will do the changing, and growing, and believe that as a result, I will grow and change by osmosis. However, it doesn’t work that way, and as a coach, I have to fully realize and put this into practice in my own life if I am going to be great at coaching. Being a great coach is one of my dreams.

I understand more than ever that when I resist change, or want others in my life to change instead of me, my life doesn’t change or improve. And, it is a pretty self absorbed way to be, to expect that everyone around me will change, and I can just keep doing what I have always done. The kicker is, in some ways, what I have always done doesn’t work anymore, so if my life is unfulfilling in some ways, it is my job to change that.

I could complain, and feel badly, or get discouraged or even angry that my life isn’t going in the direction I want. But the real truth is that if my life is not focused on my dreams, that is my doing, my design, or my lack of a good design. So, I know that, and am willing and ready to make the changes that I need to, in order to have deeper, more meaningful relationships with others; to be living the dream life that I desire; and to feel balanced, happy and well.

It is all in my hands.