Tag Archives: Handel Group

I know that I don’t know.


When I was doing my work in the coaching program with the Handel Group, I worked a lot on my character traits. Character traits are those parts of ourselves that we get from both of our parents, and that can show themselves in positive and not so positive ways. I had many traits that I worked on, and one of my biggest was being an arrogant know it all.

There were certain times when this was most apparent. At work, I would often put myself in the position of the expert and believe that the way that I did things was the best and only way to do it. I would also be that way in my personal relationships at times, and believe that I was the one that was doing the right thing in them, and the other person was to blame for any problems we were having. Yucky, but true.

Most recently in my life, my arrogant know it all trait has become most apparent in an area that I do have a lot of expertise in, that being, the needs and risk factors for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths. Over the years of my adult life, besides my own personal development, I have done a lot of research and created and conducted many trainings on this topic. Coworkers often came to me for help in working with persons that were LGBT identified, and how to best help them. I was always willing to offer up my knowledge to others that needed it.

And, on top of offering my knowledge, I was certain of my role in being the expert in that area. I believed that I knew all that there was to know. And, of course, I was completely wrong in that regard. There was much more to know.

A year ago, I got the opportunity to be a trainer, here in Pennsylvania, that was developed to educate mental health professionals, and other human services and educational persons, on how to best identify and meet the needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, intersex, and questioning persons. I knew that I wanted to be part of it. I knew that I would be a great addition to the training staff. Yet, I didn’t think there was much that I needed to learn.

What I have found out, several times in the last year, in this area and others in my life, is that I have so much to learn, so much that I don’t know yet. And, it used to create a feeling of insecurity in me to think that I didn’t actually know something. Now, I feel grateful for understanding that there is much in this world that I don’t know, which means, I have countless opportunities to keep learning. When I keep learning, I keep growing, stretching, evolving, and having fun.

I know today that I don’t know much. Yet I get to keep learning more every day.


Being impeccable.

me at mu

I have been rereading the book, The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. ALthough I have read parts of it before, I never finished it. In bringing my intentions for my life and the subsequent actions for myself, I discovered that the book had some very applicable things for me right now today.

The First Agreement, according to Don Miguel, is to be impeccable with your word. This is not the first that I have heard this word, impeccable. It was familiar to me through my work last year with the Handel Group. Being impeccable, meaning, be true to what you say you will do. Be truthful to yourself and others. Clean and clear.

In rereading this agreement, I found some additional aspects that make this so important for me. I sometimes forget the power of words; not only the types of words that we choose, but just language itself. Words enable us to ask for what we want; create our lives; and express ourselves fully. However, words toward ourselves and others can create beauty or harm. Depending on how fertile the ground is, in ourselves or others, to grow one of the two, the magic that results can be beautiful, or quite dark.

Literally speaking, impeccability means “without sin”; and that means that anything that we do against ourselves, which is the first course of all that we do, is a sin. If we take responsibility for something we have said or done, but judge ourselves for it, then we are sinning against ourselves. That is not impeccable. If we do or say anything that brings venom to our souls, because we are judging or viewing ourselves in a harsh way, that is a sin, not in the moral sense, but in the sense of our view.

We can strengthen ourselves, so that we we become immune to the words that others might use, or that we might use on ourselves, to plant negativity or judgment. Becoming immune, in my opinion, doesn’t mean we don’t feel anything. It just means, to me, that we are detached from the outcome. If we are true to ourselves, and we trust and believe ourselves, then the poison from our minds, or from the minds or mouths of others, will not be able to find fertile ground inside of us.

I am becoming more acutely aware lately, of how important my presence on this earth really is. I am deepening my love of myself, and learning how to let go of self judgment and doubt. And, as a result, I will be able to love others as deeply, and approach the world with a fully open heart.

open heart

The power of sharing.

I have embarked on some pretty significant changes in my life, starting this week. Tomorrow, I begin part time status from my day job, and stepping more definitively into my journey as a life coach with the Handel Group. I will be working from home more, and getting ready to make my big break before the end of 2012. I am ready for it, so ready.

Yet, all last week, I wanted to bail. I wanted to run the other way, away from the change. I wanted, and I tried, to postpone it, to stop the wheels that I had already put into motion. However, it had already been decided, and my decision had to go forward.

I spent much of last week scared, hiding, and pretending that I was great with it all. I was great, with most of it all, and most of the time. And, I also felt filled with fear about how it was going to turn out at other times.

So, yesterday morning, I went to one of my favorite AA meetings, that I haven’t been to in awhile. It is in a new location, and as it turned out, we actually held it inside of the actual church, sitting in pews, the leader of the meeting sitting near the pulpit. Fascinating.

The topic of the meeting, was change. And, although I have shared before in meetings, I had a lump in my throat before I started to share what I knew that I had to. That change can be difficult, and unwanted, even when we want it. The funny part of this change, is that I was wanting it, wishing for it to happen. I laid the ground work; I put it into motion. And then, I wanted to stop it.

I shared my changes with the group, felt emotional, yet connected, and I felt so much better. Every person in that room that shared, has trouble with change, just like me. The difference with this change, for me, is that, if I get stuck, overwhelmed, or feel like I need to do something different, I don’t have to drink over it. I have lots of support around me to take another path and still feel great about where I am going.

There is tremendous power in not living in my head, and using the resources around me to get support, and to know that I am not alone. It is one more example of why I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, learning the lessons I most need to learn.

Honoring Time.

As I have gotten deeper into my coaching training through the Handel Group,I have become much more aware of my time, and how I am spending it. I have bought new calendars, kept to do lists, and organized in several different ways to really make sure that my time was being spent in the most efficient, productive way possible. I have learned how to manage my time.

And, not been so great at it much of the time. Then, last week, I had a revelation of sorts.

The more that I kept at working on managing my time, the more annoyed that I would become with it, and with myself. I would figure out how long it took to do things, and sometimes I was accurate, but most of the time, I wasn’t. And, then I would get aggravated, want to give it up all together, and then waste time wishing I could be doing something else. I felt distracted at times and not very motivated.

Last week, I tried a new approach. I decided that I needed to figure out why I had such a bad attitude about time, and find a new attitude about it. So, my new mantra is that I am HONORING my time. Not managing it. Not mastering it. But honoring it.

Time is the currency of my life, without a doubt. And, if I squander it, it’s gone. I can’t get it back. So, I wanted to get smart not only about how I am spending it, but also, how I am viewing it. If I am viewing it only as a vehicle through which to get my to do list accomplished, it doesn’t feel all that connected or spiritual to me. However, if I approach it as honor, as how do I want to really cherish the time that I am devoting to something, it takes on a new meaning.

So, I started that last weekend. Every night before I go to bed, I spend 30 minutes making my schedule for the next day. And, every night and morning, I read my time dream, about honoring and loving my time, and how I have time for everything that I want, and need to do.

The result? Well, I still have 24 hours in a day, but I sure feel more grateful for what I have in those hours, and how I am spending them.

Truly lovely.


Time. It waits for no one. It marches on. It flies by. It escapes us.

Or so we think.

I am learning so much about what I have always believed about my time, and how I spend it, and how to design more brilliant relationship with it.

For most of my adult life, I have been a time lamentor; meaning, I often lament about the lack of time that I have. So many things to do, and too little time to do it in. For most of my last thirty or so years, I have made my lack of time, time’s fault. Damn the hours of a day; not to have enough! Why does this take so much time? Why is it already midnight?

SO silly and shortsighted of me. I am the orchestrator of my time, after all.

For all of those years, I was the one spending every minute of my time precisely as I set it up to do so. Therefore, any wasting of it, lack of it, or need for more of it was my making. Now, it is only recently, meaning, in the last year or so, that I have been even slightly willing to consider this as the true story. I was unhappy with not having enough time all of these years, but happy to be able to blame it on the time itself, and not look to how I could manage it much differently.

So, I am on a mission to take down my time lamentor. I am going to discover my past ideas of what I thought time should be to suit me, and what new rules I plan to put into place so that I can create my time to be rich, full and beautiful. And, plentiful.

It will not be a minor task; I have made a pretty big mess of my time and how I have pretended to manage it. However, it will be so worth it, when I can celebrate how much time I am given each day, rather than how much I feel deprived of.

Gotta go, out of time…. 🙂