Tag Archives: healing

Love, No Matter What.

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I have to say that I had a big expectation of what today would look like, for myself, for the people that are closest to me, and for the world. I was invested in an outcome. For me, the outcome is not what I would have wanted, nor chosen had it been left up to only me. Yet, here we are. This is what has been chosen. And, whether your vote was cast for the winning candidate, or not, or not at all, we have all chosen up to this point what this outcome is.

 

And gratefully, I understand the choice that I still have before me. I did not spend today crying and full of despair and hopelessness, although I easily could have. I most likely would have, only a few months ago. I saw the world in its form as the reality, and believed that what happened outside of me is what dictated what occurred inside of me. I was invested in the theory that if someone says hurtful things, or tells stories, that they must become my belief system. I would be filled with fear, remorse, self loathing, and lack. I would have been blaming the world for being a bummer and bringing me down from how I felt about myself.

 

Today, I am full of Peace. I know now that to show Love, Compassion, Peace and Forgiveness to the world, it must live in me first. I have built an amazing temple within of self love over the last few months. I have been diligent about it. What does diligence of self love look like? It is reading, writing, and listening to spiritual practices, guides, and texts every day. It is breathing deeply as often as possible. It is removing gossip from my life and being true to my ideals. It is thinking before I speak. It is looking in the mirror, thinking a negative thought about myself, and taking it back, forgiving myself. It is deep, deep gratitude for every, single thing that is here for me in my world. EVERYTHING. 

 

As I have expanded my experiences in the last eighteen months of hugging persons that I didn’t know, and those that I did, one thing became more and more apparent: the deeper that I was loving myself, the more open I was to hugging anyone and everyone that came my way. No restrictions, no exclusions, fewer and fewer assumptions of why certain groups of people would not want to be hugged, or comfortable with human contact. Little by little I let go of my beliefs and opened up to new experiences. And the results, for me and the other person, were nothing less than transformative and profound.

 

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In order for us to not want to attack, destroy, and vilify one another, we must let go of our fear.  Yes, if you must grieve, of what you perceive has been lost, then do so. Do not dwell in your grief; do not live in your box of fear. Feel your feelings, release them, and get back to the business of Love. Of Compassion. Of Forgiveness. Surrender to What is, in this very moment. Unless we begin from our Essence, by acknowledging our own beauty, light and perfection, we will find any and all faults in one another, and the destruction will be complete and devastating. There will be little room for humanity to be visible anymore.

 

Be Present. Breathe Deeply. Love yourself more fiercely than you have ever allowed yourself to do before. When we Love ourselves from that place, we can not help but to be Brave, Be Strong, Be a Warrior of Love. Because, to not survive, but to thrive, we must believe and live Love, no matter who. No matter where.

 

Love. No Matter What.

 

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A State of Grace.

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Most mornings for a few weeks now, myself, and my wife on some days, walk to the lake that is right near our house.  We walk in one mile, and back out and home.  We sit by the water.  We spend time in nature.  It is an amazing way to begin the day for me.

 

As I walk in at the lake, I spend the first mile considering what I am grateful for.  Initially, when I first started this morning ritual, I would make a list in my mind, of all the people, things and circumstances in my life that I have gratitude for.  It enabled me to find gratitude for things in my life that might have felt challenging, or persons in my life that I had conflict with, or thought that I did, at one time or another.  It helped me to more deeply understand that gratitude is not just for the pleasant things, but for each and every thing, event, or circumstance that I find myself in.  Learning and growth comes from every experience.

 

Recently, instead of a list of things to be grateful for, I find myself simply feeling gratitude, being in the presence of that feeling.  To do this for me, means to be completely in the moment; and when my mind wanders, to come back to the present as often as possible.  A state of gratitude is remembering that everything that comes to me is a gift; every moment has something that it is offering to me, has beauty, depth, and value; and that if I am in a state of gratitude, I am able to see the beauty and worth in every moment.

 

Brenda described that to someone yesterday as being in a state of grace.  I have always had a difficult time understanding the concept of grace, and what that really means.  Yet, I believe that I have an understanding now that makes sense to me.  To be in a state of grace, for me, is to be present, and to be prayerful.  I may not be consciously saying prayers as I walk every morning, yet I am certainly aware of the beauty, sounds, and smells all around me, and have deep appreciation for them.  I am aware of nature and all that She offers to me.  I am aware of the strength and beauty of my body as I walk and move.  I am filled with love and compassion for others that are in my life, and beyond.  I feel inspired, blissful, peaceful.

 

I finally understand, that grace means to be present to my world, to all that is around me, and to honor its beauty and worth with my thoughts and presence.  Grace feels like a prayer that doesn’t feel like a prayer in the way that I have previously known, yet in such a more powerful way than I have experienced before.  Grace is Presence.  Presence is Grace.  And when I remember that, I am filled with a peace that I have never known.  

 

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Work in Progress.

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I think I have spent many of the last 45 years of my life, on a diet, or exercise regimen of some sort.  I’ve done Weight Watchers, TOPS (Taking off Pounds Sensibly- where you got on the scale backwards and they would announce in front of the entire group whether you gained or lost weight since the last meeting), Gloria Stevens, which was an exercise center when I lived in New Hampshire, Intensati, liquid diet, running- and probably many others.  Always, the goal was clear:  lose weight and get into shape.  To meet up to an image that I thought that I should maintain, and feel better about what I would see when I looked in the mirror.

 

Or, so I thought.  

 

A diet, always, every time, no matter how it was presented or set up, felt like deprivation to me.  It was not as much a list of foods that were best to consume, or even to do what was best for my body.  It was not being able to have any of the foods that I liked the most, or so it seemed every time.  I went through much of my life, not eating cheese or nuts, equating that with bad food choices. Lettuce?  Yes.  Apples.  Great.  Anything that I craved, that was crunchy or gooey or extra tasty?  Forbidden.

 

I would obsess about what I did, and did not, put into my mouth.  I would rack myself with guilt, for “falling off the wagon”.  I would binge on forbidden foods like chips, candy, fried foods, all because I had messed up anyway, so why stop there?  Same story, different day, year after year.

 

Exercise never felt like my friend, at least, when I called it exercise.  In my childhood, I would ride my bike or walk around town, but I didn’t ever move a great deal.  I preferred to watch television, or hang out playing games.  So when I started to believe that exercise must be part of the equation to lose weight, I would obsess about that too.  I would run, even though I didn’t really enjoy it.  I would do workout DVDs or go to gyms and feel good about it for the moment, but didn’t feel excitement about going in the first place.  Yet, I felt like I had no choice; I had to do it.

 

This has been my pattern my entire life.  Looking for an external motivator to make an internal change.  And, it has worked over the years.  I would feel so proud to be 118 pounds, wearing a size 2 or 4, seeing how tiny I appeared to myself in pictures.  Then, a few years later, seeing my body after having my child, at 200 pounds, and being mortified.  My love of myself was completely connected to how I judged my size and my shape.  

 

I understand that change takes time.  And, gratefully, I have compassion for myself and my many evolutions.  I am an ongoing work in progress.  yet today, I feel so inspired to have tapped into where it is that I need to be and to stay- I need to come from a place of Love.  Love deep within myself.  For myself.  And, starting from that Love, I get to ask myself every day, what would feel really good to do for me, and for my body?  What would feel really good to put into it?  What energizes, excites and inspires me?  

 

I am on a new path, a path that is not about deprivation, but Abundance.  I am ready to give myself this beautiful gift.  I am on a path, finally, that is not me telling my sad story, about struggling with my weight my whole life.  I am telling a new story- a story of Love.  Of Choice.  Of Nurturance and Care.

 

A story of an Extraordinary Life.  

 

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Miracles.

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I have never been a person that thought a lot about, nor referred to, the happening of miracles, either in my own life, or the lives of others. I mean, I would hear people say that something that happened was a miracle, and sometimes, I would agree or use that same terminology. The only exception would be the conception and birth of my child. I definitely have referred to his coming to me as a miracle at times.

To me, before my current learnings anyway, a miracle was always something to me that was so unbelievable, so surprising and amazing, that it had to have happened due to some type of higher power, or divine intervention. I didn’t even relate it to religion, per se. Definitely to a power unseen, however.

Well, so much seems different in my view now. Expanded in many ways. To me, on this day in my life, miracles are not only much more common than what my belief always was, but they are also within the reach of most, if not all of us.

Today, I am deepening the belief that miracles are the moments when I awaken, when I have full realization and acceptance that I am part of something bigger than myself, that we all are part of that same energy and light. The love source. To some, it could be God. Others Buddha or Mohammed. Maybe even Great Spirit, or Angels. But to me, the form of what the higher power is does not matter, as much as our knowing that we are ALL part of that one light, that one source of love, forgiveness and peace.

Now, in the past, I have had glimpses of that light, and my part in it. I often would feel most connected to that deep realization when I am in nature. Being among the beautiful trees, rocks, and animals brings me to the sense of a greater power than myself and my oneness with all. However, there are dozens, hundreds of additional moments each day when I forget that connectedness. Forget that EVERYONE comes along on the road to salvation and freedom; not just myself and who I pick to come along. EVERYONE.

And, it is okay that I forget, that I am asleep at the wheel of my life and what I believe is the bigger, fuller picture. Part of the realization of that oneness means that I can be forgiven, forgive myself for my being asleep. Look upon myself with open eyes of love when I fall short, or forget, because I see myself as being only in the world, only as a body that exists. It is so much bigger and better than that.

I don’t hesitate in admitting how much I enjoy this mortal world; I love being in it, working for causes and loving fiercely and buying things and eating great foods, listening to good music. Being kind to others and loving with complete abandon. Yet I also know more deeply each day, that the beautiful moments that I experience here are just a tiny fraction of what really exists; of what I am really a part of.

So, the moments of light, love, forgiveness, and openness, when I do remember who I am, are exquisite and incredible.

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The Miracle of Healing.

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Today, I spent much of the day with family and friends of a man that was a beloved father, grandfather, coworker and friend. There were tears and stories and even some smiles and laughter. I got to be in the company of people that I have not seen in some years, and that there has been some intentional space between them and myself. And, yet, we all seemed to come together in a common bond today.

I felt connected, even though our lives have all gone in different directions and many things have changed. Yet, the man that they were there to acknowledge, was also known to me, and loved by me, for many years. And, that connected us. And, whatever else had occurred over the last few years, seemed less significant and no longer relevant as it once was.

It reminded me that even the deepest wounds heal over time. Even when we get hurt so badly that we need stitches, once enough time has passed, the hurt gets better, little by little, and even if it leaves behind a scar, it might not hurt anymore. And, you might not even notice that anything had happened there. You can move freely once again.

I think that emotional wounds, wounds of the heart, are like that also. When people break up, when loved ones die, all of these wounds are deep and painful at first, and seem like the pain will never go away. Then, little by little, it feels better. We might get pissed off that we got hurt in the first place, or give ourselves a hard time for taking a risk and falling, but soon enough, the wounds begin to heal and we realize that it might not be as bad as it once seemed.

I am so grateful for my life right now, and the love that I have in it. I am in awe of what I get to experience in the moments when I am present to them. And, today was also a reminder that miracles do happen, every day, and that old wounds do heal. And, love always lingers where it once lived.

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