Tag Archives: life coaching

I know that I don’t know.


When I was doing my work in the coaching program with the Handel Group, I worked a lot on my character traits. Character traits are those parts of ourselves that we get from both of our parents, and that can show themselves in positive and not so positive ways. I had many traits that I worked on, and one of my biggest was being an arrogant know it all.

There were certain times when this was most apparent. At work, I would often put myself in the position of the expert and believe that the way that I did things was the best and only way to do it. I would also be that way in my personal relationships at times, and believe that I was the one that was doing the right thing in them, and the other person was to blame for any problems we were having. Yucky, but true.

Most recently in my life, my arrogant know it all trait has become most apparent in an area that I do have a lot of expertise in, that being, the needs and risk factors for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths. Over the years of my adult life, besides my own personal development, I have done a lot of research and created and conducted many trainings on this topic. Coworkers often came to me for help in working with persons that were LGBT identified, and how to best help them. I was always willing to offer up my knowledge to others that needed it.

And, on top of offering my knowledge, I was certain of my role in being the expert in that area. I believed that I knew all that there was to know. And, of course, I was completely wrong in that regard. There was much more to know.

A year ago, I got the opportunity to be a trainer, here in Pennsylvania, that was developed to educate mental health professionals, and other human services and educational persons, on how to best identify and meet the needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, intersex, and questioning persons. I knew that I wanted to be part of it. I knew that I would be a great addition to the training staff. Yet, I didn’t think there was much that I needed to learn.

What I have found out, several times in the last year, in this area and others in my life, is that I have so much to learn, so much that I don’t know yet. And, it used to create a feeling of insecurity in me to think that I didn’t actually know something. Now, I feel grateful for understanding that there is much in this world that I don’t know, which means, I have countless opportunities to keep learning. When I keep learning, I keep growing, stretching, evolving, and having fun.

I know today that I don’t know much. Yet I get to keep learning more every day.


The power of sharing.

I have embarked on some pretty significant changes in my life, starting this week. Tomorrow, I begin part time status from my day job, and stepping more definitively into my journey as a life coach with the Handel Group. I will be working from home more, and getting ready to make my big break before the end of 2012. I am ready for it, so ready.

Yet, all last week, I wanted to bail. I wanted to run the other way, away from the change. I wanted, and I tried, to postpone it, to stop the wheels that I had already put into motion. However, it had already been decided, and my decision had to go forward.

I spent much of last week scared, hiding, and pretending that I was great with it all. I was great, with most of it all, and most of the time. And, I also felt filled with fear about how it was going to turn out at other times.

So, yesterday morning, I went to one of my favorite AA meetings, that I haven’t been to in awhile. It is in a new location, and as it turned out, we actually held it inside of the actual church, sitting in pews, the leader of the meeting sitting near the pulpit. Fascinating.

The topic of the meeting, was change. And, although I have shared before in meetings, I had a lump in my throat before I started to share what I knew that I had to. That change can be difficult, and unwanted, even when we want it. The funny part of this change, is that I was wanting it, wishing for it to happen. I laid the ground work; I put it into motion. And then, I wanted to stop it.

I shared my changes with the group, felt emotional, yet connected, and I felt so much better. Every person in that room that shared, has trouble with change, just like me. The difference with this change, for me, is that, if I get stuck, overwhelmed, or feel like I need to do something different, I don’t have to drink over it. I have lots of support around me to take another path and still feel great about where I am going.

There is tremendous power in not living in my head, and using the resources around me to get support, and to know that I am not alone. It is one more example of why I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be, learning the lessons I most need to learn.


Time. It waits for no one. It marches on. It flies by. It escapes us.

Or so we think.

I am learning so much about what I have always believed about my time, and how I spend it, and how to design more brilliant relationship with it.

For most of my adult life, I have been a time lamentor; meaning, I often lament about the lack of time that I have. So many things to do, and too little time to do it in. For most of my last thirty or so years, I have made my lack of time, time’s fault. Damn the hours of a day; not to have enough! Why does this take so much time? Why is it already midnight?

SO silly and shortsighted of me. I am the orchestrator of my time, after all.

For all of those years, I was the one spending every minute of my time precisely as I set it up to do so. Therefore, any wasting of it, lack of it, or need for more of it was my making. Now, it is only recently, meaning, in the last year or so, that I have been even slightly willing to consider this as the true story. I was unhappy with not having enough time all of these years, but happy to be able to blame it on the time itself, and not look to how I could manage it much differently.

So, I am on a mission to take down my time lamentor. I am going to discover my past ideas of what I thought time should be to suit me, and what new rules I plan to put into place so that I can create my time to be rich, full and beautiful. And, plentiful.

It will not be a minor task; I have made a pretty big mess of my time and how I have pretended to manage it. However, it will be so worth it, when I can celebrate how much time I am given each day, rather than how much I feel deprived of.

Gotta go, out of time…. 🙂

Designing my Life.

I have been involved with the Handel Group officially, after just checking them out from a distance, for about two years now. In that time, I have learned a great deal about our methodology, and how we help ourselves, and others, create brilliant lives. I have seen the magic work for myself, and for many people around me. And, I believe in it fully.

Yet, I really didn’t get how specifically I actually design my own life, for the great, and the not so great.

I mean, I accepted the concept that we design our own lives; that we create what it is that we want, and also, what we say that we don’t want. We are the ones calling the shots in our life situations. The part that I totally didn’t want to accept how I was designing my life, my life that in many ways was a chaotic mess. And, it didn’t just become that way; I made it that way.

It really took a wake up call, from myself, to me, and others around me that love me immensely, to let me know that I really have to own what and where I need to change in my life, in order for my life to change. Like, if I want to do it, I just have to DO it.

How often have I sat back as an observer to my life, watching how things played out, and pretending like I didn’t have to own any accountability in the outcome? Easy, right? Then I don’t have to take responsibility when things go terribly wrong, but I loved taking it when it went in a way that I loved.

Today, I am embracing all of it, the big, fat mistakes that I make almost daily, and the rich rewards from living a life that is more transparent, honest, and free. It is so much easier to have faith and trust in the days ahead, when I know that I am designing them so much more beautifully, and intentionally, than I ever have before.

The path ahead of me will continue to have storms to weather and rocky times, yet I know that I can design the lessons and the outcomes to be beautiful and mine to own.

Just ask!

I have, for most of my life, refused to ask questions of others about much of anything. Whether it was asking someone for directions before or during travel; how to do an aspect of a new job; or the best product to buy, I almost always tried to figure it out on my own.

Now, this hasn’t been because I didn’t want to bother other people, which I told myself for awhile. It wasn’t even because I didn’t want to look stupid or foolish, it was even a bigger reason than this. It was because I wanted to be the one who was right, who knew best.

It was all about arrogance.

Arrogance has been one of the most difficult traits for me to take down, and I am learning that more and more as I continue my training as a Coach in Training through The Handel Group. I have masked this trait by hiding behind being scared, or not wanting to bother others, but it really is about being right, knowing the answers, not wanting to be accountable to anyone else. Dark, hmmm?

The great part is, I can love that dark stuff now, and when I am willing to love that part of myself, I can admit it and come clean about it more often, because it is human, it is normal, and it frees me from living a lie.

So, I put this in place in my daily life, by keeping track of any arrogant thoughts or actions that I catch in myself, and, in asking as many questions of others as possible. It still hangs around, believe me. There are still times when I assume that I know what is happening, when there is no way that I should know about it. So, I clean it up with the other person, and learn the lesson even more deeply.

The more aware I am of my own thoughts and behaviors, means the more present that I am to my life. It also means that I can take accountability for my actions, rather than putting it on someone else, and really open up my relationships with others in the process.

Life is great, and I am learning to love not knowing so much!