The Sweetest Freedom that we can bestow upon ourselves and others, is to allow every, single thing to Be as it Is. 🙏🏻♥️✌🏻
I Am expanding. And shrinking.
Consciousness expanding. Ego/identity shrinking.
It feels miraculous.
Photo by Keith Perks
I MISS HUGS. It’s true. I understand social distancing. I cover my nose and mouth when I go out in public. I am working exclusively from home. I have not travelled in two months or more. I canceled my True Vision 2020 Hug Bug Tour. And, I have not hugged anyone, but my wife and my cats, for weeks. It hurts deeply.
I understand, appreciate, respect and honor the concerns and the uncertainty. And, at first, when all of this started to impact my life circumstance, I didn’t cancel any plans. I believed that in a few weeks, life as I know it would return to its usual routine, its “normal” if you will. I wasn’t sure what the truth was; I’m still not sure what the truth about the virus itself is. But I am playing by the rules, and I don’t want to get sick, or be responsible for others getting sick, either. I want to do my part.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I started to get depressed. I started to wonder, what will happen to hugs in our world? To touch? I believe in hugs and touch more than anything, as being a source of connection, healing, and Universal Oneness. I felt scared that it may be possible that human beings will avoid touching one another. That out of fear of death, which is a completely natural phenomenon as a human, we will disconnect from one another in ways that we may not have ever imagined. I believe that those fears and worries about the future created hopelessness in me more than I have felt in these few weeks of strangeness.
However, this week for me, the sun came out again. Not because the projections are any more favorable about touch. Not because there is an imminent time that distancing will be lifted and that I will be free to resume life as I have known it. But because I remembered, thank goodness, what the Real Truth is for me. The only Truth, to be honest. And, that is the Truth of Now. Now, it is all there Is. It is the only Truth. The past is a memory trace; the future has not even happened yet. So whether it is hope for a better future, or despair at a projected one, I only cause suffering for myself when I dwell there, or reflect on times that have gone by that no longer exist. Being Here Now is my only saving grace, my only respite from the weariness of what is the current form of Life.
So, I breathe. I come back to Now, again and again and again. When I feel bored, scared, overwhelmed, angry, or hopeless. It is the path that will always lead me back to myself. Back to Peace and Love and Universality.
And, I plan to meet you all in that space again one day.
I love that each day it seems, I get to more fully awaken to myself and who I really Am. Beyond my career, beyond my relationships, beyond anything that is defined by my physical form, I am realizing the power of that. The magic of that.
In 88 days, I will embark on the biggest adventure of my life, driving across the United States, hugging people, talking to them, connecting, sharing and opening my heart. On the surface, that could sound like any previous adventure that I have had through free hugs, and through shining my light in the world in my own way. Yet, this phase of the learning, this new chapter, is different than any other one I have experienced so far.
It isn’t about the magnitude of the trip; although, it is in reality, the biggest and boldest tour that I have ever intended. It isn’t about where it is that we are going. It isn’t even about doing it with my son. It is about lessons that are so much bigger than even that, so big that I am almost astounded at how at ease I am with embracing them.
The first lesson that this trip is about for me is otherness. The focus of this trip is less about me, and what I bring to the world, but mainly about what others in every corner of the world are doing to help spread a message of love and peace. I am so honored and excited to hear their stories, hug their bodies, and be in presence with them and all that they bring to the world, bring to Life. To connect deeply with other humans satisfies my own craving for community.
The second big lesson is about being Present. For the last three tours, I have gotten dozens of opportunities each time to be in the moment, even when every fiber of my Being wanted to resist that. I wanted to anticipate, control, or predict what would happen and with whom. However, the bigger goal has always been, now more than ever, to not miss any aspect of how Life is unfolding for me. That may not always be what I anticipate, but it is always valuable and worth the experience.
However, the biggest and most profound lesson for me as I prepare for and anticipate this journey, is the brilliant lesson of letting go, surrender, and trust. I have not, for much of my life, trusted that all would be well, without me having a hand in it. Whether one calls that faith, or trust, or belief, I always wanted to see the proof to know that all would be well. And, of course, that was always a disappointment, because things never turn out exactly as we may anticipate, or wish for in our minds. Yet, I would plot and plan what I desired as an outcome, and then not only be disappointed, but also, not appreciate the beauty of how things unfolded.
I now trust that all is well, no matter what happens. I still get scared sometimes, yet I know that this trip is a symbol of my declaration of Trust, of Faith, of Believing and therefore, Seeing. I have sketched out an idea of what will happen, and then Let it Go. And, the most magical occurrences have come my way as a result. Because I loosened my grip and realized the fleeting nature of EVERYTHING. And, that I don’t need to see evidence in the physical world to prove to me that all is Well.
I can just Believe it is So.
Everyone now and again, I feel like I lose my way. I forget that I know how to be still, and present, and that there is no urgency in what I do. I get lost in my thoughts and my mind becomes like a runaway train, and I follow it wherever it goes. It is maddening, and it is like an endless pit; there is always more to worry about, focus on and get almost obsessed with. In the midst of it, I don’t see the bigger picture, so even though I am not lost, I feel like I am.
I think the most destructive result of these times, is that I immediately, almost as a reflex, condemn and attack myself. I feel inadequate, incapable and small. I feel like a failure, like I can’t possibly manage the task at hand, or any task for that matter. In the midst of my overwhelm, I shut down and feel like I can’t do anything, and most certainly can’t do it right.
Even though these times, albeit rare, are difficult when I am in them, because of the pain that they seem to elicit, they bring me such great lessons. Just last week, I had a bout of this self doubt, and my wife gently and firmly pointed out to me the misguided way in which I was viewing the situation, and myself. She reminded me that if I was doing something that did not bring me joy, that was not my bliss, fully and completely, then why bother doing it? I mean, I know that we are all called upon to do things in our life that we need to do, even if they aren’t all that fulfilling. But, if we are doing something that is supposed to be fun, supposed to feed our soul and it doesn’t, why are we?
It was just the wake up nudge that I needed, in the situation that I put myself, but also, as an ongoing reminder of how I have been and need to continue to guide my participation in life. My well being, my balance, my peace and presence is far to precious and essential for me to throw away. And, bliss always lives there as well. No matter what task or activity I am involved in, I know that bliss is present if it feels light, fun, and free. If I see myself as perfect, just as I am, without condemnation or demand. Even the most mundane job can feel delightful if I remember to bring my full, unapologetic authentic self to the table.
So, I changed my view. The situation did not change. I did not give up the tasks at hand. I just reminded myself of my true nature. Of what is most important to me. And, what I am not willing to sacrifice, for anything.
My Bliss, my authentic Self, my Being, my Presence and Peace; that will ALWAYS come first.