Tag Archives: purpose

Rainbows and Glitter.


So, it would seem that most people would know that summer is the season for LGBTQA+ Pride, especially, the month of June. Fifty years ago, in June 28, 1969, a group of brave humans stood up the the police and the public, in Greenwich Village, NYC, to be treated fairly and equally. The establishment is Stonewall. And, the rest is history. Gay history. 


I have been out as a lesbian, to friends, family, and the general public, for more than 35 years now. It has been a journey, that is for sure, one that has included self loathing, shame, and believing that there might be something wrong with me because I loved women. Yet, I persevered, I have been fiercely authentic as myself for many years now, and I love to model that for others also.



Long after my own coming out, my son had his own version of coming out that was in store for him. It was painful and confusing at times, for all of us. Yet, it shifted something in me on a deep level, that helped me to understand that we all just want to be loved for who we know ourselves to be. It is that simple, and yet as humans, we make it so complicated and difficult.


As I stood out in the oppressive heat today, holding my arms open and offering hugs for any and all that wanted, or needed them, I felt humbled. I felt emotional. I felt so sure that I was right where I needed to be. And, even though I didn’t hear a lot of stories, of rejection and heartache that others have experienced, I felt the connection from one human soul to the next, as we held one another and squeezed.


I have attended more Pride events this summer than in my entire adult life, and what I can say is, beyond how fulfilling it is to give a hug to a person that really needs one, and is willing to give it to themselves, it is a completely awe inspiring experience, to watch humans of all ages come to an event and feel free to be themselves. To express it, loudly or softly, and to know that they finally can just BE. Today, at the very end of the day, I had a young person cry in my arms, and me along with them, about how grateful that they were that Free Mom Hugs was there, offering hugs and hope to anyone who needed it.


And, my beautiful, loving son, came with his own sign, to show support, love, and connection with so many that took him up on his offer. It was so lovely to watch. I am in tears as I write this, so grateful that I have stepped upon this purposeful path; so overwhelmed with how it is needed and received; and so humbled by all of the souls that are now joining me on the journey.  I came home with a rainbow necklace, and with my arms covered in glitter. 


It was a very good day.  

Just do it already.


Every once in awhile in my life, lately it seems on a more frequent basis, I get the deep sense of putting my theories about life into action. Whether it is being more patient, being kinder to myself, or staying in the moment, when I decide that it is time for me to just do it, instead of philosophizing about it, powerful change comes.

Such was my day today.

I am out of town for my job this week. In a hotel, for five nights, and although the task that I am here to do isn’t awful, I don’t always do well being away from home. I get antsy about the quiet, about all of the me time. So last night, my first night here, I slept with my DVD episodes of Grey’s Anatomy lulling me to sleep, and woke up exhausted.

However, I also woke up feeling quiet. Not the kind of quiet that sits by itself in the corner, but the kind of quiet that feels deep and soulful. The kind that finds answers to the big life questions and then takes it on the road. I felt like I was getting tuned in deeply to my sense of purpose, and why I am here on the earth. I felt connected to nature, to my world, and to myself. I felt deep love and could sense my open heart. I knew that part of what I am here on this earth to do, is to connect with others in meaningful ways.

Then, a friend asked me during the day if I would like to join her after our work day, for a walk, a swim, or something else fun. I panicked. I told her, maybe. I heard the litany of excuses in my head:

I have it all planned to be by myself tonight.
I don’t know what we will talk about, one on one.
I get uncomfortable being in a social situation with someone I don’t know well.
I’m scared.

My blessing today, is that because I spent much of my morning, tuning in to where I am at, and where I want to be, I didn’t fall for that list of excuses for more than a couple of minutes. I said to myself, SERIOUSLY???? What is your problem? Here is an opportunity to connect, to JOIN. GO!

So, I went up to her, shortly after this, and told her YES, let’s go do something fun. So after the office, we walked along the river, we talked, we got to know each other even more deeply, and shared a meal together. We ate good food, a yummy dessert, got out in the summer air, and CONNECTED.

I have spent so much of my life, reading about the kind of person that I want to be, or about what it is that I think that I am here to do.

Today, I decided it was time to just get on with it, and stop talking about it.




A friend of mine from the blogging world asked me this week to write about my thoughts on contentment. And, as with many other topics, I gave the matter much thought.

Defining contentment was not as easy as I thought it would be.

At first, I thought of contentment as a feeling of familiarity, of feeling happy, but not overjoyed. Of having some of what you want and being happy with that without pursuing something deeper or greater. I thought of it as settling for what we have rather than what we may really want.

Then, I thought about it even more deeply today, during one of my deep meditative states in my car (and do you know, a coworker of mine drove past me last week during one of my meditative states, blowing her horn and waving madly, and I never heard or saw her. I didn’t have my radio on, I was just in the zone).
What I decided today was that I had it all wrong in thinking that contentment was some ordinary state that we settle for, when we aren’t willing or able to push ourselves further and deeper.

Contentment to me means:

PEACE: a sense deep within of calm and resolve.
HUMILITY: A deep sense of how mighty this world really is.
GRATITUDE: Deep appreciation for all that we are offered every day.
FULFILLMENT: The dream realized.
TRUST: That we are always being watched out and cared for.

What I realized when I really meditated on this today, is that Contentment is much deeper than just being happy. Contentment means SOUL happiness, a happiness so deep and pure that it doesn’t require fanfare or announcements; it is just felt down to our toes. Contentment is not just the feeling, but the deep UNDERSTANDING that we are here for a mission and purpose, and that we are fulfilling it in all that we do. It is total belief that we are being watched over and that all will be well.

For me,contentment, without realizing it when my friend asked me, is what I am aspiring to. It is the true sense that what I am doing matters, and that I am connected and transparent. It means that my presence here has purpose and meaning and that I am in love with my life and its work.

Contentment is big.

The trees are crying.

The more deeply that I transform my life, build deeper relationships with those around me, and become more clear in what my mission and purpose is here, the better that I understand my strong connection with the Earth. I identify so deeply with my Native American roots, which has been since I was child. However, as I take down the traits that have tripped me up most of my life, and design my brilliant life and fulfill my dreams, those Native connections are stronger than ever, and directly related to my mission and purpose here.

Today, as I was driving to work, I was going a different way than I normally do, now that I am living in a different area. The area that I live in now is more suburban in nature, and the place that I lived in a few months ago was deeper in the country. As I drove through the country today, I noticed some severe clearing of wooded areas that was not so the last time I drove past. Dozens of big, full trees were either already toppled, or were in the process of being destroyed.

I swear, that as I drove by, I could feel the trees crying.

I understand that the world needs to build, grow, change. I know that development is necessary for people to work, to thrive, to have what they need. But nature no longer has what it needs, in so many situations. The wood animals, creatures, and the wood itself is being displaced for convenience.

I grieve, not for progress, but for the lack of a place for nature in the face of that progress. So, I keep connected, as much as possible, to my fellow creatures, to the natural habitats that surround me, so that I remain forever aware of my connection, and responsibility, to the earth and all of her beings.

Discovering my mission.

Over the last eighteen months, I feel like I have been on an expedition, almost like an archaelogical dig. I have been digging deeply into myself, and finding treasures that indicate, and prove, that life once existed there. That there can be gold and gems below the surface. That even if life continues on, and builds on top of what once existed, it doesn’t mean that it was never there.

I have always, since I was a small child, had a desire to truly change the world. To help to heal those that suffer. To fix what is broken. To show to others what is the true meaning of what they seek. And, for much of my adult life, my attempts at changing the world, hell, at SAVING it, were often in vain. They were ways for me to prove to myself, or to others, that I held value and worth because I was able to lead someone out of the darkness.

I wanted to be the superhero in the story.

Today, after my expeditions so far, I have narrowed in more distinctly on truly why I am here. On what my true meaning and purpose here is on this earth. My purpose is to indeed, change the world. That purpose is to be fulfilled through connecting with other human beings, sometimes, one at a time. It is a mission that will go forward by the steps that I take. However, I have adjusted my intentions in that mission ever so slightly.

Today, instead of the desire to be the hero, the messenger, the expert in how to improve lives, my mission is to be a guide. To invite the questions, welcome the inquiries, and then serve as a guide for others who are seeking their own dreams. It is not my mission, nor my wish, to show others the way that must work for them. It is not to deem myself heroic, or an expert in some way. My mission is to guide others back to themselves, and to assist them in finding the answers that will help them achieve every dream that they hold in their hearts. A guide toward a higher level of awareness, of being, of light, love and peace.

That is my mission.