Tag Archives: spirit

Please, help me.

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I have defined myself as a helper for most, if not all of my life. From an early age, I wanted to always help others, and to give them gifts and special things. It isn’t something that I necessarily thought about, it just felt as if it lived in me as part of who I am. This giving and offering applied to my family, friends, and strangers. As I got older, it felt like a longing that meant that I wanted to choose a career in which I could offer myself to others. To me, that meant social work. And, although I have loved what I have done as my career all of these years, I don’t seek so much of myself in it as I used to in the past.  As a social worker, and a counselor, I have come to find it quite normal to always focus on what others need, or how they are not capable of taking care of themselves, and require my assistance. I see humans as much more capable than I used to, so I feel less needed to provide a service, but rather, see in them the ability to help themselves.

 

Another aspect of who I have been in my life, is that I rarely have asked for help for myself. Not only do I offer to do almost everything that may be required in a given situation, I rarely ask for others to actively help me. And, if I am in a bad situation, it is often not my comfort zone to ask someone to assist me. 

 

One area that I find it interesting is in how prayer has been present in my life as I have grown. When I was a child, and even in college, I would enjoy going to church, participating in the structure and tradition of it all, with prayers and song. I loved that I knew the prayers by heart, and would enjoy reciting them in unison with others in the church. I even prayed at night, or various other times, to God, as I knew of it at the time, for help for others. I never, ever asked God for help for myself. To me, to ask God for something that I wanted, or needed, was selfish. Was me asking God to give me something that I should be able to take care of myself. In other words, God was not responsible for my happiness or relief; I was. 

 

Letting go of the belief that I am solely responsible for the happenings of my life, without the need for others to assist, has been a challenge for me. Mostly, in the area of where God, or Spirit, fits into my life. I would rarely remember that God, or Spirit, is always with me, and I am always part of it, and it is there as the purest form of who I Am. And, there to assist, guide, and support. Yet, I am beginning to understand how important that is right now for me. Being able to say to Spirit, please, help me, to see this situation as it is. To let go or surrender. To remember that I am resting always in the Peace of God. That this is just a dream. That the form does not matter. These are the parts of my daily living that feel most challenging, and yet, I still believe that I need to solely rely on myself to remember. 

 

Most recently, with life form situations that have happened in my world, I have remembered with more frequency to call upon Spirit for help, when I am in a moment that does not feel peaceful, yet I am longing for peace. I am aware that I am not choosing Peace, and yet, need some assistance in choosing Peace. That is when Spirit is right there, for me and with me, to hold me up and remind me, gently and lovingly, what Peace feels like, and that I always have help in choosing it. That I am not in ever in this alone; that I am always held by and watched over by Spirit. That all is well. That Peace lives within me. And Forgiveness. And Love. And when I cannot remember to choose them, it is a beautiful comfort to know the help that exists to help me choose.

 

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To Ruthie. With Love.

 

 

The morning commute!

My commute each morning, and each afternoon, to and from my workplace, is about thirty minutes. For the last few months, that thirty minutes to the office, and then, back home, has been some of the most delightful parts of my day. That is because I decided to make my morning time commute a commitment to silence and reflection.

Now, getting good about having quiet time on purpose was not so easy in the beginning. A year ago, I wanted to start having some sort of meditation practice, so I would sit in silence for five minutes at a time, and at first, it was tortuous. I barely felt like I could stop my thoughts from running the show, I didn’t want to sit in silence, and felt lost when I would sit in my car and not have the radio on.

Then, I got better at it, day by day. I found that the quiet came easier within the silence, and that I actually looked forward to it as a way to start, or to break, in my day. I found a spiritual connection to it that grew in its power and purpose.

So, a few months ago, when I realized that I was spending less time here at home, watching television, or filling the quiet with noise, I decided that the ride to work, especially since that is morning time, would be a perfect way to intentionally be silent; to enjoy the sights, and thoughts that inspired me.

Today, it is rare that I turn on my radio in the morning, even after I have dropped my daughter at school and she has had it on for the beginning of our ride. Right after she gets out, I turn it off, and head out for my morning commitment. I see the sun coming up, the day beginning, fog lying low and the world coming alive. It truly is an inspiring, and powerfully spiritual, time for me.

Although this is now a regular practice for me, I am finding such peace and comfort in the ways of silence during many parts of my day. What used to frighten me now envelopes me with a feeling of powerful connection; that when I quiet my mouth, and my mind, my heart opens up and takes in all that the world has waiting for me.

It truly is magical.

It is my time

This is my time. My time to take what life has to offer to me, to grab opportunities and to work with them. Heck, to create those opportunities for myself. To boldly go where I have always dreamed of going, but have never dared. Today is my time to see the world, go on adventures, and achieve what I set my mind to.

I have dreamed and dared and achieved before. I have worked hard and been successful. However, it has been a long time since I have truly felt inspired on a consistent basis. I want to feel inspired all day, every day. To have a spirit and sense of what I most want to do in this world, and to feel that spirit in the midst of every task that I take on. I want to feel the energy around me so thick, it is electric. I want my magic to flow from my fingertips and everything that I touch turn to gold.

I want to know in every second, in every action that I take, that everything is possible, anything is possible. That is how I know that my time is now, because I am so ready for that.

I am ready to heal myself from anything that ails me, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I am ready to be full of hope and to never, ever, EVER give up. I am ready to be endless in the amount of energy that I have to devote to whatever it is that I want to do.

I am ready for so much love that my heart could burst. I am ready for loving myself enough to make mistakes, forgive, and ask for forgiveness when I screw up. I am ready to tell the truth, and to stand in that truth with anyone and everyone that I meet. I am SOOOO ready to believe in who I am and take it to the streets, show it to the world and help everyone that I meet create their own magic.

Today, is my day. This is my time.

I am ready for greatness.

photos courtesy of ww.freedigitalphotos.net

Being reborn

I have been drawing and reading Medicine cards for the last few weeks. Medicine cards are inspired by Native American beliefs and teachings. It is a set of several dozen cards, that each have an animal or living creature of some sort on it. There are also some cards that have a blank medicine wheel on them. Each card and creature, or blank card, has a corresponding citing in a book that goes with the cards, explaining what the drawing of a particular card means.

There are many ways that the cards can be used. For example, I know clearly that two of my totem animals in the tradition of Native American history are the Wolf, and the Turtle. I feel very strongly connected to both. So, one way that I can use the cards, is to read about either of these creatures, for inspiration or to see the connections to my true self. Another way is to draw one random Medicine card each day, and then read about that animal and see how it fits into the pattern of my life.

It seems like no matter what animal I draw on any given day, it is either a belief that has recently been on my mind, or inspiring words that I most need to hear. There are some animals that I have drawn more than once, seeming to be a reminder of a message that takes more than once to absorb.

Today, the card that I drew was the Bat. The bat represents Rebirth, or the letting go of the old, and the taking on of the new. In Native American tradition, the bat represented the rituals that a tribe member would go through that was studying to be a shaman; having to face his or her own deepest fears, and emerge on the other side as a new person. Reborn.

The bat Medicine card seemed quite fitting for me today. As my days continue to go by, I feel more and more aware of letting go of the old, and taking up the new. Letting go of my old way of thinking, and embracing a new way of thinking. Not all of my thinking was faulty; I have always been a good person with a deep heart. However, I also used ways that were deceitful, sneaky and camoflaged rather than honestly expressing my feelings. I tried to be someone that I wasn’t.

Now, in this new light, I am more honest than I have ever been, with myself, and with those around me. Even when it feels risky to be true to who I really am, I realize that if I am not being transparent and honest, then people can’t ever know me. I want to be know for my real self, not a self that I think I need to put forward for the comfort of others. I need to fully be me.

So, I feel a sense of being born again, of having a new lease on life, and an opportunity to go deeper, and be more truthful in my life than ever before.

Finding my spirit self

One of the areas that I am working on developing, and bringing more to my dream state of it, is the area of spirituality. Spirituality and I have been on many journeys together. Yet, in this time of my life, I am looking deeply at truly what it means to me, and what I want it to bring to my life.

I have explored spirituality usually one of two ways: either through formalized religion, specifically Christianity; and through my Native American roots, by being closer to the Earth and living things. Both have brought me connection and deep sense of purpose, of reaching my soul. Of feeling really connected to something much bigger than myself.

However, I am now wanting something consistent, in terms of practice and belief, that also feels good all of the time, and not contradictory to what I truly think, feel and believe. Organized Christian religion had come to feel that way for me. It really didn’t matter what denomination I tried on; it just felt like relying on man made spirituality brought with it too many expectations that were not connected to the spirit source, but the ceremony of it all. I am looking for something deeper than that.

I can even venture to say that there is nothing like spirituality to get people uncomfortable. I think most humans are looking for deep meaning, and looking to a higher power of some sort to connect with. I can include myself in that group. However, I met so many people in my life who were uncomfortable with my questions, whether questioning the church, or questioning my own beliefs. It cuts deep for so many of us, and my asking the questions reminds others of the questions that they have as well, but are afraid to ask.

That is what coaching has been for me in all life areas, to be honest. Asking the questions that many humans are too afraid to ask, of themselves or others.

Today, I am making promises and taking steps to truly explore. I am spending five minutes each day, committing the time to some activity that truly helps me to connect, to feel a part of, to dig deep. So far, that has been prayer; sitting in nature; and focusing on my breath. What a foundation.

As I go forward, finding and then acknowledging my spirit self is something that will always be with me. It is so important to the rest of my work, and it does well with my soul.